Van Stone: Tour of Duty (2006 TV Movie)

Timothy A. Bennett: The Hawk

Quotes 

• The Hawk : And they call me "The Hawk."

  Randy Van Stone : No, we don't. We call you "Hawk." Not "The Hawk." Just Hawk.

  The Hawk : Yeah, but as a proper title, it should really be "The Hawk."

  Randy Van Stone : I don't give a crap about proper. Dude, I'm the leader, I decide the nicknames, and I knighted you, "Hawk."

  The Hawk : Yeah, but, there are rules to the English language and...

  Randy Van Stone : I don't give a crap about England. The Bicentennial's over.

• The Hawk : Maybe your mom's right...?

  Lonnie Van Stone : No way! We're never gonna give up our rock-and-roll dreams!

  The Hawk : No, no, no... Your mom's right it would be an ultimate fantasy to tag-bang a groupie.

• Lt. Perry : In any case, there are a few stipulations you'll need to agree...

  Lonnie Van Stone : Understood. Would you two gentlemen excuse us for a minute... Dude, I think we should have a band meeting about this.

  Randy Van Stone : You know what, dude? I'm five minutes older than you, okay? That makes me the leader of the band. I make the decisions... Band meeting, right now!... Dude, Hawk, this is a band meeting.

  The Hawk : Right.

  Lonnie Van Stone : You're not in the band, dude.

  The Hawk : Well, yeah, I'm not "in the band" in the band. But I'm "in the band."

  Randy Van Stone : No... you're just the roadie.

• The Hawk : Officer on deck!

  Lt. Perry : That's not necessary, son.

  The Hawk : Aye-aye, sir.

  Lt. Perry : Please, you don't have to do that. You're not in the Army.

  The Hawk : Well, I'm not "in the Army" in the Army. But "I'm in the Army."

  Lt. Perry : No, you're not.

  The Hawk : Well, not officially. But kinda... Right?

  Lt. Perry : No, not at all.

  The Hawk : So, if I'm not in the Army... How did I defuse this explosive device?

  Lt. Perry : Sergeant! Fire in the hole!

• Lonnie Van Stone : Bro, I've never played for so many people before.

  Randy Van Stone : Pull yourself together. We gotta a mission... Now you got me freakin' out!

  The Hawk : Someone needs to touch his butthole.

• The Hawk : Aw man, those MRE's are doin' a real number on my colon.

  Randy Van Stone : I told you shouldn't have eaten so many of those. MREs are full course meals that expand in your stomach.

  The Hawk : Yeah, but these turkey dinner's taste just like the ones your mom used to make... only freeze dried. I miss your mom's cookin'... Oh man, I got to go cop a squat.

• The Hawk : Check! Check! Un, Two. Un, Two! Sibilance! Asalaam Aliekem!

  Osama bin Laden : [subtitled in Arabic]  Dude, you're not in Al Queda.

  The Hawk : Well, I'm not "in Al Queda" in Al Queda, but I'm in Al Queda.

  Osama bin Laden : [subtitled in Arabic]  No, you're not.

• Randy Van Stone : I'm sorry. This has never happened to me before.

  The Hawk : Someone needs to touch his butthole.

  Randy Van Stone : No way, Back off! I just need to concentrate and get in the zone... That's it. Dr. Randy's hit his stride. Turbo boost!