Da Kath & Kim Code (2005 TV Movie)

Magda Szubanski: Sharon Strzelecki

Quotes 

• Kim Day Craig : Have you got partner shame, Brett? When have I ever embarrassed you? When? Just tell me. One time.

  Sharon Strzelecki : Um, actually, Kim, you know, there was that last drinks. Remember? When Brett was trying to impress that big client from Samsung? And you came up and your top fell off. When you were blind.

  Kim Day Craig : I was not blind and that was a wardrobe malfunction.

• Sharon Strzelecki : Oh, thanks, Mrs. D. Can I crack open the Tia Maria and put on some footy franks?

• Sharon Strzelecki : [trying on a wedding dress]  What do you think, Kim? It's a bit tight. I can't walk very well. I can hobble, though. Oh, jeez, Kim, I really love it.

  Kim Day Craig : Oh, my God!

  Sharon Strzelecki : I know. It's really nice, isn't it?

  Kim Day Craig : Oh, that is so funny.

  [laughs] 

  Kim Day Craig : Wear that, Sharon. Wear that.

  Sharon Strzelecki : I don't want to look funny, Kim. I want to look pretty.

  Kim Day Craig : Oh, come on, Sharon. You're never gonna look pretty.

• Sharon Strzelecki : Could you tell me the correct time, please?

  Trude : Six forty five in the morning.

  Sharon Strzelecki : I've been up shopping all night. I'm getting married.

  Trude : [on the phone]  Mmm... Completely over the limit? What, not a cent?... No, it looks about right... No, I'm happy to... Thank you... Bye bye...

  [hangs up] 

  Trude : The bank's instructed me to do this to your credit card. And that comes in a cute complimentary Christmas box. Thank you. Bye-bye.

• Kath Day Knight : How's it going, Sharon? Have you met anybody yet?

  Sharon Strzelecki : Oh, no, not really, Mrs. D. Just a couple of lukewarm nibbles.

  Kath Day Knight : Oh well, whatever you do, love, don't put your photo up.

  Sharon Strzelecki : I already have. Why? Do you think it would put people off?

  Kath Day Knight : Oh, no Sharon. You've got a very pretty face. It wasn't full-length, though, was it?

• Sharon Strzelecki : Oh, why can't I meet someone like Shane?

  Kim Day Craig : Who?

  Sharon Strzelecki : Shane! Shane Warne. I'm reading his newie. 'SMS: A Cry for help'. Oh, he's such a spunk!

  Kim Day Craig : Can't see it myself. Why do you like Warnie so much?

  Sharon Strzelecki : Well, he's not choosy at all, so I figure I'd be in with a chance. I mean, he pretty much goes for anything on two legs. And I have them.

• Sharon Strzelecki : I'm getting married!

  Kim Day Craig : What? Married? Are you doing this to spite me?

• Kim Day Craig : [at a dance studio]  Sharon! What have you come as?

  Sharon Strzelecki : Well, this is my Polish national costume, Kim. Why?

  Kim Day Craig : No, I said "pole dancing".

  Sharon Strzelecki : Yeah, well, I'm a Pole, Kim. Strezlecki.

• Kim Day Craig : Oh, Mum! What a great costume!

  Sharon Strzelecki : Oh wow, Mrs D. You look hilarious. You're gonna win for sure. Where'd you get that?

  Kath Day Knight : [Wearing an over-the-top 80's style pink outfit]  Oh, from my wardrobe, Sharon. Costume?

  Kim Day Craig : Yeah, it's an 80's party.

  Kath Day Knight : Oh, no! Nobody told me. I would have put something funny on!

• Sharon Strzelecki : That's it, Kim! I've had enough! I'm not putting up with any more of your abuse. I've done everything for you. I've put my career on hold. I could have been anything if I'd had the talent. But instead, I have come around to your house every single day and been your escape goat. Well, I have got some home truths for you, Kimberley Diane Craig nee Day. You are not a hornbag! And in fact, you look a whole lot older than what you say you are. And look around, Kimmy! Guys are not lining up to eat putty out of your hand!

  Kim Day Craig : So what are you saying, Sharon? They're eating putty out of my hand in my head?

  Sharon Strzelecki : Unlike me, Kim, you can't even get anyone. Not even Brett.

  Kim Day Craig : Thin ice, Sharon.

  Sharon Strzelecki : Since I've met Marriat, his love and support has given me the strength to stand up to you, Kim.

  Kim Day Craig : Marriat? Marriat? You haven't even met Marriat, Sharon!

  Sharon Strzelecki : TAKE THAT BACK! I am warning you Kim. If you say one more thing about Marriat, I swear I will kill you! Do you hear me? I WILL KILL YOU!

• Kim Day Craig : It's my Tan-In-A-Can spray. It's nice, isn't it?

  Kath Day Knight , Sharon Strzelecki : Yes, it's nice, it's different, it's unsual.

• Kath Day Knight : Oh Sharon, is everything alright?

  Sharon Strzelecki : No, not really.

  Kim Day Craig : Where's Marriat?

  Sharon Strzelecki : Marriat is nowhere. He's nowhere and nothing. Turns out that I fell in love with a piece of spam. After he didn't turn up at the airport, I went to an Internet cafe. And I discovered that Marriat - my beautiful, gentle, smart, funny Marriat - is nothing more than a blog. An Internet address. marryat.com. A site that's been offering to marry women all around the world... But, you know, the weird thing is, Mrs D, I still love him!

• Sharon Strzelecki : [Sharon has just announced that she is getting married]  Kim, I am a bit nervous about the wedding night, I really want to surprise him.

  Kim Day Craig : I know what would really surprise this guy on your wedding night is if you did pole dancing

  Sharon Strzelecki : Oh yes! I reckon i'd be really good at that!

  Kim Day Craig : Everyone's doing it

  Sharon Strzelecki : Really?

  Kim Day Craig : Yeah. I could teach you... but we might be better to go to someone who knows how to do it.