- A mockumentary that illuminates penguin survival and mating rituals, as well as one bird's search for love while on a seventy-mile trek with his hedonistic buddies.
- In this spoof of "March of the Penguins," nature footage of penguins near the South Pole gets a soundtrack of human voices. Carl and Jimmy, best friends, walk 70 miles to the mating grounds where the female penguins wait. The huddled masses of females - especially Melissa and Vicki - talk about males, mating, and what might happen this year. Carl, Jimmy, and the other males make the long trek talking about food, fornication and flatulence. Until this year, Carl's sex life has been dismal, but he falls hard for Melissa. She seems to like him. A crisis develops when Jimmy comes upon something soft in the dark. Can friends forgive? Does parenthood await Carl and Melissa?—<jhailey@hotmail.com>
- Samuel L. Jackson narrates the story about a group of male penguins that make a seventy-mile trek to go to their breeding grounds, where females are waiting to have sex with them. Antarctica, temperature of 58 degrees, below zero. 1.5 times the size of the US.
These penguins include Carl (Bob Saget) and Jimmy (Lewis Black), two friends who talk about relationships and other things as they meet new characters including Marcus (Tracy Morgan), a penguin who likes to kid around and brag about his huge penis (an illogical point, since penguins do not have penises, and instead have Cloacas), and Steve the snowy owl (Jonathan Katz), who gives Carl advice on his life in a Freudian kind of way (he asks more questions than giving answers) while billing him for the two quick sessions. The male penguins migrate to the ocean to feed every January. Once fed, they trek back 70 miles in 4 months to mate with the females. Carl was recently dumped by a penguin named Valerie, who wanted a bigger house (pointless since penguins live outdoors). Before that Amanda confessed to cheating on Carl with Victoria, even though Carl and Amanda were standing together next to each other for 2 months. Before that Ester dumped Carl for not eating kosher.
Penguins are birds that cannot fly. They live in the ocean but breathe in the air. Carl and Jimmy think about relocating to LA, Chicago, NY, Miami, but reject each choice as they are penguins, and this is their life. Sidney (Mario Cantone) lives for sex. Carl thought Sidney was gay since he didn't hook up with anyone at the last mating season. The guys are sick of the repetition in their life.
Meanwhile, Melissa (Christina Applegate) and Vicky (Mo'Nique) argue about men and other women who bother them as they wait for their mates to arrive at the breeding grounds. The ladies lament that they wait, doll up, put makeup, curl the eyelashes, just to meet the next asshole. Helen (Whoopi Goldberg) is angry as someone used her lip gloss (pointless as penguins don't have lips). Melissa is insecure about meeting the right penguin with whom she wants to have a baby. The penguins' mate inland where the ice is thicker and it's safe to lay eggs before the approaching winter. By March the penguins are still many miles away from the breeding grounds. They march in single file, following the leader. in stretches they switch from walking upright to sliding on their bellies. There is a brief panic when the penguins think they have traveled around in a circle to reach right where they started. Soon enough, the march resumes.
Some penguins lose their way. The Mexican Juan Sanchez (Carlos Mencia) don't want to go back. Some get depressed that global warming to taking away all the snow. Penguins believe they are better than rams or sea lions (who smoke) or turtles (who struggle to have sex). As it starts to get cold, the males rest mid-way through their journey. The route is never the same. Its instinct that takes them back to the breeding grounds. Meanwhile the females can sense the males nearing the end of their journey. The males encounter a group of seals and have to take a detour. The breeding grounds are covered by high walls which protect them from icy winds. Males reach the grounds. The dating rituals start. Carl and Jimmy meet Vicky and Melissa. Marcus hooks up with Vicky by showing off his large penis. Jimmy helps Carl hook up with Melissa and they mate.
The night Jimmy has sex with a random chick, and that turns out to be Melissa. The trio figure it out the next morning. Melissa reveals that Jimmy had sex with her in the ass. The females lay eggs after a 9-week gestation period. The female stays with the male for 1 year. The father stashes the egg in his sac for more than 2 months, and that's when female travels to the ocean to feed. They reach the thin ice, but the hole is frozen over. One penguin jumps in to test for predators and is often eaten up by seals. The rest follows later.
Meanwhile the babies are born. The females return to their brood. The babies grow very fast with feeding from their mothers. with the year gone, the males move on.
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