- Dr. Dick Solomon: This planet has crossed the line. Assemble the giant robot!
- Sally Solomon: We didn't pack it... . I wanted to, but you needed the room for your exercise bike. Which, I might add, you never use.
- [she pats his midsection for emphasis]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Your chirpy optimism has no place in reality. Guess what? Santa Claus is dead! Beaten senseless for his shiny black boots and his reindeer don't give a damn!
- Dr. Dick Solomon: What kind of place is this where you can't wave handfuls of money around in the middle of the night?
- Officer Don: Okay Mr. Solomon. It's time to finger your perp.
- [Dick points at Mary]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Believe me I've tried but she just won't let me.
- [to Don]
- Sally Solomon: If I had a gun like that, I wouldn't be sitting behind a desk until I ran out of bullets.
- [about the stolen car radio]
- Sally Solomon: Wait a minute. I know what's happened here. You see it all the time on the news.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Uh, toupees?
- [referring to the mall]
- Sally Solomon: I think the entire planet should be covered by one big roof.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: And we should never be more than fifteen feet from a weenie on a stick.
- [when asked what he thought of the mall]
- Harry Solomon: How would I know? The escalator broke down and I was stuck there for an hour and a half.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Tommy, look what I bought for you.
- Tommy Solomon: A basketball?
- Dr. Dick Solomon: I've decided that you should join your school's team.
- Tommy Solomon: Why?
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Because it's important that you experience the humiliation of adolescent boys at the hands of bitter adults trying to re-write the failures of their youth. It'll be fun.
- Harry Solomon: So, uh, what are you here for?
- Nutty Guy: Well, they picked me up for vagrancy, but that's not the real reason. I'm here because they know... they know I'm from the planet Clarion in a barred spiral on the Cepheus-Draco border.
- Harry Solomon: Do you know Steve?