- Dr. Mary Albright: I am so hungover!
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Oh, well, Mary, that's just nature's way of telling you what a tramp you are.
- Dr. Mary Albright: [a very drunk Mary, reading a boardgame card] What's the craziest thing you've ever done in bed?
- Dr. Dick Solomon: [coyly] Well, there was the time I staged a production of Othello, were the part of Desdemona was played by a down comforter.
- Dr. Mary Albright: [slurring] I'm not giving you any points for that!
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Nina, have you gotten ahold of Mrs Strudwick yet?
- Nina: Yes, but she keeps hanging up.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Nina, I need you to improve your phone manner - I'm trying to sleep with this woman!
- Nina: [outraged] Wait - you're having me call her so you can sleep with her?
- Dr. Dick Solomon: You're right, that's too impersonal... I'll take her flowers and candy. No, I'll just take her flowers - I don't want her fat!
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Is your father at home?
- Alissa Strudwick: No.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Well, is your mother home?
- Alissa Strudwick: Yeah, but - she's in the shower...
- Dr. Dick Solomon: In the shower?
- [smirks]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Half my work is done!
- [everyone except Dick has had enough of the board game 'Sex or Consequences']
- Tommy Solomon: Dick, why don't you go play this with Dr Albright?
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Fine. But that's the last time I bring home a sexually explicit board game for this family.
- [he leaves]
- Tommy Solomon: I hate that game.
- Harry Solomon: Ya wanna play 'Strip Parcheesi'?
- Tommy Solomon: You're on!
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Isn't this great. Look at us. An Earth family, sitting around together on a beautiful Autumn evening, playing a nice, friendly game.
- Tommy Solomon: [bored] Yeah. A game called 'Sex or Consequences'.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: [reading from the box] "The naughty, bawdy adult party game where everybody wants to be on top."
- Sally Solomon: [also bored] Whoopee.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Come on, Sally, you're not even trying. Look how far you are from the erogenous zone.
- [Mary and Dick are playing a board game with alcohol 'rewards' for landing on Martini Island]
- Dr. Mary Albright: This beats the scrap outta Crabble.