- Nina: [seeing Dick smoking] You know, those things will take ten years off of your life.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Yeah, but it's the last ten years and those are crappy anyway.
- [after quoting Poe to his hand in a stairwell]
- Dr. Dick Solomon: [hand] Say, that was pretty good.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Oh, thank you. I just made that up.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: [hand] Liar! That's Edgar Allan Poe! I was there when you read it!
- Dr. Dick Solomon: Then why bring it up? Just to play mind games with me?
- Harry Solomon: You know what they say: the dentist who drills his own teeth has a fool for a patient! Ah... I didn't expect you to cooperate. Well, maybe you'll talk for Mr. Sucky Thing.
- Harry Solomon: After a couple hours, I was hearing my inner voice, too.
- Tommy Solomon: What was it saying?
- Harry Solomon: I don't know, I don't speak French.
- Dr. Dick Solomon: [to his fellow university employees in the outdoor smoking area] Look at us. We suck, we blow, a posse of oral fixators. Oh yeah, we're bad! They can isolate us, but they'll never separate us. Let them outlaw smoking! Then they'll just have to deal with a whole bunch of smokin' outlaws!
- Narrator: Aliens are all around us. This is the story of a band of four such explorers. In order to blend in, they've assumed human form.
- Narrator: [as Dick appears on screen] This is the High Commander. He has assembled an elite team of experts: a decorated military officer, a seasoned intelligence specialist, and...
- Narrator: [as Harry is seen stuffing a photograph into his mouth] ... well, they had an extra seat.
- Narrator: The Earth is actually two-thirds water. About the equivalent of scotch at a cheap wedding.