- Gomez Addams: Ophelia, we found your career! You could be an opera singer!
- Ophelia Frump: Me, an opera singer?
- Gomez Addams: Oh, you'll have to put on a little weight...
- Ophelia Frump: Oh, I will, I will.
- Ophelia Frump: Oh, Uncle Fester, you behold the most wretched of women.
- Uncle Fester: Say, you do look better.
- Uncle Fester: [to Ophelia] What happened?
- Gomez Addams: Throckmorton didn't like being judoed.
- Uncle Fester: [to Ophelia] You sure do have a weakness for weirdos.
- Ophelia Frump: [mixing chemicals, she asks for...] The green bottle.
- Uncle Fester: [assisting] The green bottle! Oh, no you don't.
- Ophelia Frump: Why not?
- Uncle Fester: That's my aftershave lotion.
- Ophelia Frump: Uncle Fester, that's sulphuric acid!
- Uncle Fester: Yeah, I know. It's real tangy!
- Ophelia Frump: [stroking Fester's face] Ahh! There's something about a sulfuric acid man.
- Ophelia Frump: Oh, dear brother-in-law, you behold the most miserable of women.
- Gomez Addams: Well, you are that, but what happened?
- Morticia Addams: Darling, perhaps Ophelia should devote herself to art.
- [the wildcat clock roars the hour]
- Gomez Addams: You may be right. Science doesn't seem to be it. Here it is three o'clock, Ophelia's been up there mixing chemicals for two hours, and nothing.
- Morticia Addams: Well, we must be patient with these new scientists. After all, dear, she hasn't the faintest idea of what she's doing.
- Gomez Addams: Darling, Signor Bellini is an artist! And artists are always ready to sacrifice for art - if the price is right.
- Signor Bellini: Stoppa, stoppa, stoppa!
- Ophelia Frump: Is something wrong, Signor Bellini?
- Signor Bellini: No, except that in-a my twenty years of-a coaching the greats, near greats and even ingrates I have never-a heard such a squaking, a squeeking and screeching from a human-a t'roat!
- Morticia Addams: Ah, the mail's in. Ah, thank you, Thing. Gomez, darling, it's from the Canary Islands.
- Gomez Addams: Strange, we don't know any canaries.
- Ophelia Frump: Oh, joy to the world. I've charmed my ma-estro with my simple triple-stop, double vibrato vocal harmonium.
- Gomez Addams: If she cuts out meals and sleep, she can work 25 hours a day.
- Morticia Addams: Gomez darling, aren't there only 24 hours in a day?
- Gomez Addams: By George, you're right. She'll just have to sing faster.
- Morticia Addams: Darling, I think we should leave the music lovers alone. Lurch will get Ophelia. Lets to got he play room and... read.
- Gomez Addams: I've got a better idea: lets go to the play room and play...
- [cut to the playroom where Gomez explains to Morticia how to play ice hockey]
- Lurch: [Lurch stops Bellini from hitting Ophelia with his cane] Temper!
- Signor Bellini: You're right-a I could have broken a perfectly good cane!