The Addams Family (TV Series)

Uncle Fester, Tycoon (1965)

Jackie Coogan: Uncle Fester

Photos 

Quotes 

• Uncle Fester : I love Diana... I dream of running barefoot through her beard.

• Morticia Addams : [in the guise of Diana's mother]  You owe me a nickel!

  Uncle Fester : Ya need it all at once?

• [Trying to retrieve a phone number for a business deal from memory, Fester ends up telephoning himself on his other extension] 

  Uncle Fester : [ring]  Hello.

  Uncle Fester : Hello! I don't like that merger deal.

  Uncle Fester : You don't like it! Who asked you?

  Uncle Fester : Nobody asked me. I'm tellin' you, smart guy!

  Uncle Fester : Oh, so now I'm a smart guy, huh? Well, you listen...

  Uncle Fester : No, you listen - the deal's off.

  [hangs up] 

  Uncle Fester : Oh, yeah? Well, you can say that again!

  [hangs up] 

  Uncle Fester : [to Lurch]  You can't let these fellas push you around.

  Lurch : [having seen the whole thing]  Uggggggh.

• Uncle Fester : [explaining why there's a light bulb in his mouth]  Oh, the children persuaded me to light up and ride my cycle around, just for old time's sake.

  Morticia Addams : We love to watch him ride his motorcycle in the house.

  Gomez Addams : And wrestle the alligator.

  Thaddeus Logan : Wrestle... the alligator? A live alligator?

  Gomez Addams : Not very sporting wrestling a dead one.

• Uncle Fester : Gomez, uh, can you see your way clear to advance me a nickel for a postage stamp?

  Gomez Addams : No, but I can give you a check.

• Uncle Fester : All right! If that's what it takes, I'll get it! You'll see! I'll be a big success! I'll throw gold, and diamonds, right at your daughter's feet!

  Morticia Addams : [in the guise of Diana's mother]  I warn you, she 's got... very big feet!

• Lurch : Youuuuu Rannnng.

  Uncle Fester : No, but, Lurch, you can get the car out. I have a date with a very important oyster.