- Prof. Albert Wickwire: ...and Doctor, I, uh, I'm sorry. I don't remember your name.
- Dr. Quintano: Dr. Quintano, Medicine Woman.
- Phil Swill: So Gill, good to see you again. Whatcha got cookin'?
- Gil Swill: Movin' into the big time.
- Phil Swill: How's that?
- Gil Swill: You remember our cousin Ed?
- Bill Swill: The one who married Aunt Merriam?
- Phil Swill: I thought he married his mother.
- Bill Swill: That's what I said.
- Gil Swill: Until recently, Ed was one of the Army's top test drivers. The man is fearless.
- Phil Swill: You have to be fearless to marry your mother.
- Brisco County Jr.: [seeing the tank] What is that thing?
- Lord Bowler: Your basic mobile battle wagon. Socrates hired me to get it back.
- Brisco County Jr.: How you gonna do that?
- Lord Bowler: I have no idea.