- [introduction]
- Alfred Hitchcock: [Hitchcock is wearing a white apron over his usual suit and using a huge cleaver to chop some meat on the top of an oven] Oh, good evening.
- [stops chopping and rests on the cleaver upright]
- Alfred Hitchcock: The leading man in tonight's saga is an alley cat. He must be fed before each performance. It keeps him from eating the actors.
- [points to meat]
- Alfred Hitchcock: Today he's having er, finely chopped mice-burger. Naturally, we use nothing but contented mice. For two weeks they have been fed nothing but tranquilizers. Now, just as soon as I can feed our star,
- [puts down cleaver]
- Alfred Hitchcock: you shall see our story, "Miss Paisley's Cat".
- [afterword]
- Alfred Hitchcock: [Hitchcock is sitting on the oven] Unfortunately for Miss Paisley, murder will out. She was finally uncovered chiefly through the efforts of the SPCH, the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Humans. It's not a very powerful organization, but it's growing. As for the star of our show, Miss Paisley's cat Stanley, he went down in the line of duty, making a revival of our play impossible. But all is not lost. He's being used for dog food.
- [frowns, turns back, and removes the cleaver he has been sitting on, holding it]
- Alfred Hitchcock: And on this pleasant note, we conclude tonight's entertainment. Until next time, good night.