- [introduction - Hitchcock is on a boat throwing darts]
- Self - Host: Good evening and welcome to tonight's pleasure cruise. Our social director is very resourceful and cooperative.
- [throws another dart at the social director, who's a target]
- Self - Host: Our friend is getting a bit nervous. However, he doesn't mind darts. But some of the passengers are interested in skeet shooting using him as a skeet. Tonight, our crowded schedule of fun games includes a drama called "The Last Remains". First, however, a word from our skipper.
- [afterword]
- Self - Host: Too bad Mr. Foley didn't consider burial at sea. It's simple and inexpensive. Besides, the trip back can be much more enjoyable for the bereaved. All that sea air, you know. And now that I mention it, I see a quantity of hot air coming our way. I shall re-emerge after it has passed by.
- [commercial, after which the social director has Hitchcock blindfolded]
- Self - Host: I'm pacifying our social director by playing a game of his choosing. I'm to pin the tail on the donkey. Fortunately, you do not have to suffer through this childish nonsense. You may be excused until next week at this same time. So, until then, good night.