- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: [Opens a present from Gloria, reveals that it's a leather shoulder bag] Hey Gloria, this is great!
- [puts the bag over his shoulder]
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: Just what I need to keep all my stuff in.
- Edith Bunker: Oh Archie, ain't that beautiful!
- Archie Bunker: Holy cow, a purse! Aw, that's just gorgeous there.
- [to Gloria]
- Archie Bunker: Did you buy him matching pantyhose?
- Gloria Bunker-Stivic: You're really sick.
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: Archie, this is a bag to carry things in. What's wrong with that?
- Archie Bunker: If you don't know buddy, I'll spell it out for you: "F-A-G FRUIT."
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: There you go again. Just because something looks a little bit different to you, you have to put a label on it, right?
- Archie Bunker: [affecting a lisp] Well, if the purse fithssss, wear it.
- Archie Bunker: For instance, once he was standing out in front of the bowling alley and he got into an argument with some jerk. And this jerk makes what he thinks is his big, winning point, and you know what Moose done?
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: What?
- Archie Bunker: He tore the door off the guy's car.
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: [Sarcastically] An intelligent man.
- Archie Bunker: [Earnestly] You're DAMN right!
- Archie Bunker: No man carries a purse! Case closed!
- Edith Bunker: Lots of men in olden days carried purses - Robin Hood carried a purse.
- Archie Bunker: [Sententiously] Robin Hood was an English fag! That's why the sherrif run him into the woods.
- Archie Bunker: [to Mike] I just got one thing to say to you, and it's this: why don't you take a running jump into the middle of Lake Polack!