All in the Family (TV Series)

Archie's Weighty Problem (1976)

Carroll O'Connor: Archie Bunker

Photos 

Quotes 

• Gloria Bunker-Stivic : Daddy, you need exercise. So tonight after dinner, why don't you and Michael take a nice brisk evening walk?

  Archie Bunker : Are you kidding, an evening walk in this town? You walk to fast, the cops pick you up. You walk too slow, the muggers knock you down.

  Gloria Bunker-Stivic : Well, then skip.

  Archie Bunker : I do that and the fags are all over me.

  Gloria Bunker-Stivic : That's 'cause you're so pretty.

• Archie Bunker : Why is everybody worrying about me? I'm healthy as a horse. When I die, it ain't gonna be from nothing serious.

• Justin Quigley : [Quigley comes in to Kelsey's Bar after his three-mile jog, and finds Archie breaking his diet with some not-so-healthy food]  That greasy kid stuff's gonna kill you, Arch. Oh, you ought to go on a diet and lose some weight.

  Archie Bunker : Oh, come on, Quigley, will ya, don't give me that. I get enough of that from Edith.

  Justin Quigley : Yeah, and she's right, too. Look at me. Ninety-two, and I still enjoy swimming, golfing, biking, all sports.

  Archie Bunker : [unimpressed]  Whoop-ee.

  Justin Quigley : That too.

  Archie Bunker : Quigley, now come on, you know, I mean, after all, at your age sex must be down to a handshake, huh?

  Justin Quigley : Yep. Before and after. In between, it's still Whoop-ee.

• Edith Bunker : [Talking about Kelsey's cooking]  Oh Archie, he deep fries everything in that awful old oil.

  Archie Bunker : He changes his oil. About once every three thousand meals.

• Edith Bunker : The first three days of a diet is always the hardest. But Mike and Gloria and are dieting too to keep you company. You know what they say, misery is the best company.

  Archie Bunker : I'll tell you something about misery - misery wants beer!

• Archie Bunker : [Belches after Edith asks him a serious question] 

  Edith Bunker : Does that mean yes or no?