- Archie Bunker: Let me ask you something there, about George. I mean, how did that happen to him? When he was a baby, uh, did somebody throw him up in the air and forget to catch him?
- Mr. Bushmill: [sighs] It's a common birth defect. The doctors call it anoxia. It means he didn't get enough oxygen when he was born. Now that's what happened to George - what's your excuse?
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: You know, Arch, you oughta be in the Guinness Book of World Records? "Most Stupid Remarks Made in a Single Day"!
- Archie Bunker: Nuts to you, buddy!
- Mr. Bushmill: [Later] Let's get something straight, Bunker! My boy don't have to weave baskets, understand? He's gonna make it on his own, like his brother!
- Archie Bunker: Ah, geez, you got another one like that?
- Mr. Bushmill: It don't run in families, okay? As a matter of fact, George's brother just passed his bar exam!
- Archie Bunker: Oh yeah? Where does he tend bar?
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: You just broke your own record!
- Michael 'Meathead' Stivic: Arch, that's a myth. Retarded people have no more of a sex drive than anybody else.
- Archie Bunker: Oh yeah? Then why are you on automatic all the time?