- Stan Smith: [after Francine brings home a dog] What the hell is that?
- Francine Smith: This is Fussy. His owner was killed, and he needs a home.
- Stan Smith: No way, Francine! We're Smiths, and Smiths have manly dogs. This dog couldn't be any more effeminate, even if it had 20 vaginas, and then it would just be a freakish mutant or a beautiful symbol of fertility.
- Francine Smith: Stan, help me. I've been faking an affair to impress the Ladybugs. They found out I was lying, and now they're trying to kill me.
- Stan Smith: A cult of murderous housewives. Before 9\11, I wouldn't have believed it, or at least I'd ask you some follow-up questions, but that's just not the world we live in anymore.
- Francine Smith: [after Linda saves Francine from being killed by the Ladybugs] What are you doing here?
- Linda Memari: Duh. It's Wednesday, our grocery shopping day?
- Francine Smith: Isn't that crazy? I thought my boring routine was killing me, but it ended up saving my life. And that fake lesbian kiss, What a great idea!
- Linda Memari: Fake? Oh, yeah... of course. Fake.
- Stan Smith: Damn it, Roger! I've told you a million times! No smoking in the house!
- Roger: And I told you it's menthol, so it's healthier than an apple.
- Linda Memari: [to Francine] So did you throw out the lasagna?
- Francine Smith: No. I just have to find a way to make it taste fresh on Thursday, but tonight is "Leftover Wednesday", so I have to make a casserole that tastes like I made it yesterday. If I stay in this rut, it won't be long until it's "Head-In-The-Oven Friday."
- Francine Smith: Okay, calm down. It's not cheating. It's just acting. Acting's not that hard. Renée Zellweger just makes it look hard.