- Opie Taylor: Really? A movie with cowboys and horses and shootin' and killin'?
- Mr. Harmon: No, son. I'm afraid it's not that kind of movie.
- Opie Taylor: You mean there's another kind?
- Barney Fife: Took one of them guided tours, you know, that goes right by the movie stars' homes on a bus. You know what happened?
- Andy Taylor: No.
- Barney Fife: The bus stopped right in front of Gary Cooper's house.
- Andy Taylor: It did?
- Barney Fife: Yeah. So they all got out and went over to the front yard and looked and you know what they saw?
- Andy Taylor: No.
- Barney Fife: Gary Cooper's newspaper. Right there in the front yard.
- Andy Taylor: That right?
- Barney Fife: Then Gary Cooper's maid come out of the front door and walked over to where they was standing. And you know what she said?
- Andy Taylor: What?
- Barney Fife: Get off the grass.