- Emma Peel: [referring to 'A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man] A man doesn't have to be handsome to be attractive. There's a sort of ugliness for it's own sake. And if you look closely, you'll find a sense of humour. And the eyes are kind.
- John Steed: It hasn't got any eyes.
- Rosie: I expect there'll be hundreds of pictures.
- John Steed: Eh?
- Rosie: In the papers, pictures of me. 'Ravishing blond beauty defends her honour to the last'. Well I would have done. Have I got time to change? Before the photographers arive. I've got a super bikini. It's ever so revealing, Do you know I've nearly been arrested twice wearing it?
- Emma Peel: How the head?
- John Steed: What head? I'm numb from ear to ear.
- Emma Peel: Never tangle with a Cybernaut.
- John Steed: Tangle? I was almost decapitated.
- [winces in pain]
- Emma Peel: Well, this ice should...
- John Steed: Should be in a glass with a large whiskey wrapped around it.
- Emma Peel: All right...
- John Steed: [moans as he gets up] Ah well, it's part of the great tradition: unless one's head is in two separate halves... hah, the show must go on.
- John Steed: Sorry to break up your evening.
- Paul Beresford: There'll be another one.
- John Steed: Good night, Paul.
- Paul Beresford: Good night, Steed and good luck.
- John Steed: Thank you.
- Emma Peel: Good night, Paul.
- Paul Beresford: Surely Steed can handle this alone?
- Emma Peel: He could, but I mustn't let him find out.
- Emma Peel: Are you coming up?
- John Steed: Now is not the time for a glass of claret, not even a '29. No, I think I'll stay here.
- Paul Beresford: John Steed. Adventurer, agent extraordinary. And the most delectable Mrs. Emma Peel. I want them destroyed. Utterly, totally... agonisingly.
- Paul Beresford: I like it, gentlemen. I like it very much. The very nature of it appeals to me. It's, it's an extension. They will not die and yet they'll wish they were dead. A perpetual torment. My brother would've aproved, your idea is worthy of him.
- John Steed: Oh there's an old saying: three's a crowd. Of course there's equally an old saying: eh, safety in numbers.
- Paul Beresford: No ordinary watch, Mr. Steed. It controls the will. The entire nervous system.
- John Steed: But does it keep good time?
- John Steed: [trying to fix Emma's toaster, it explodes and shoots toast through the ceiling] That's the first thing Great Britain's ever got into orbit.