- Darryl Driscoll: You know, you look exactly like Boris Karloff.
- Det. Phil Fish: That's because we're both dead.
- Det. Phil Fish: [Discusses watching "Soylent Green"] They showed a movie last night where they made old people into crackers and fed them to young people!
- Det. Ron Harris: Hey wow, I mean it was just a movie.
- Det. Phil Fish: Yeah, but the way they explained it, it made a lot of sense.
- Darryl Driscoll: I hope it doesn't take too long. I have a lecture at noon.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Oh, you go to school?
- Darryl Driscoll: No, I'm having lunch with my mother.
- Det. Phil Fish: You wouldn't believe this. According to their records, I'm deceased.
- Capt. Barney Miller: That's probably incorrect.
- [camera pans to Fish who has a pained expression on his face]
- Darryl Driscoll: [after Barney introduces him to Yemana] He wasn't Chinese.
- Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: Neither am I.
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: [after Harris identifies who said a particular quote] How do you know all that stuff?
- Det. Ron Harris: As a kid, I stole books.
- Capt. Barney Miller: When the gods will destroy they first make man.
- Det. Ron Harris: Ah.
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: That's beautiful. Who said that?
- Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale: Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
- Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale: [laughing] Harris, how do you know all these things?
- Det. Ron Harris: Man, when I was a kid, I stole books!