Barney Miller (TV Series)
The Clown (1982)
Ron Glass: Det. Ron Harris
Photos
Quotes
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Officer Carl Levitt : Uh, sir, this is Andrew Landry. Charges include disturbing the peace, destruction of private property, and solicitation of prostitution
Andrew Landry : Why, you must be Barney, I've heard a lot about you in the car.
Capt. Barney Miller : What happened?
Det. Ron Harris : Well, when we got to the hotel, uh, the Night Clerk, led us directly to, uh, Mr. Landry's hospitality suite, Well, we found old Landry here. He was hosting a stag film while, uh, assorted trollops served cocktails to the guest and um, the food fight just raged on in the master bedroom
Det. Ron Harris : Apparently the first pizza roll was hurled when the boys from Bed-Stuy accused Manhattan South of being a pansy precinct
Capt. Barney Miller : There were cops there?
Andrew Landry : Yeah, yeah, about 30 of them, including, uh, these two .
Det. Ron Harris : Well, Barn , you see, um, uh, Mr. Landry here -- he's , uh, in town representing the burgeoning metropolis of Mesa City, New Mexico He's, uh, trying to find himself a police department
Officer Carl Levitt : A police recruiter, sir
Capt. Barney Miller : Thank you Levitt
Andrew Landry : I'm -- I'm sorry if things got a little out of hand, Captain. But you know how cops get after a couple of drinks
Capt. Barney Miller : No I don't
Andrew Landry : Well then, maybe you like to sit down and have a chat over a cup of coffee
Capt. Barney Miller : Mr Landry, you don't...
Andrew Landry : You see Captain, Mesa City is not just on the lookout for patrolman
Capt. Barney Miller : Mr. Landry...
Andrew Landry : We also have several high-paying positions of leadership available for men in command positions
Capt. Barney Miller : Book him
Andrew Landry : Whoo !
Det. Ron Harris : Uh, Mr. Landry, you...
Andrew Landry : I like him
Det. Ron Harris : Oh, no. he's -- he's spoken for.
Andrew Landry : Oh !
Det. Ron Harris : Yeah ! You want to just, uh... . But, now he's available
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Vincent Royer : Hey a clown, is he for us ?
Det. Ron Harris : Stick with your party.
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Det. Ron Harris : All right, come on, Duncan, step inside here
Arthur Duncan : Weren't you in charge last time ?
Det. Ron Harris : Just get in here
William Krebs aka Bingo the Clown : That's him. That's the guy who robbed me
Arthur Duncan : Hey, you must be mistaking me for some other clown, Clown ! Ooh, sorry.
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Det. Ron Harris : Uh, Barn
Capt. Barney Miller : Yeah?
Det. Ron Harris : You, uh, you remember Arthur Duncan here ?
Capt. Barney Miller : Back again Duncan ? What was it the last time, ripping off the Salvation Army wasn't it?
Det. Ron Harris : Mm-Hmm
Capt. Barney Miller : Before that ? uh...
Det. Ron Harris : Assaulting the handicap
Capt. Barney Miller : Right.
Arthur Duncan : So, you all are looking well
Capt. Barney Miller : What happened ?
Det. Ron Harris : Well, when we drove up in front of the theater, we found Arthur here pinned against the ticket booth by one Mr. Jingles and Woof-Woof the Wonder Dog
Arthur Duncan : A Great Dane wearing a derby, very funny .
Capt. Barney Miller : So, you're up to clowns now, huh, Duncan?
Arthur Duncan : Well, I can't help it. My--My father never took me to the circus . Well, maybe it was the boat show
Capt. Barney Miller : Take his statement
Det. Ron Harris : Uh, Circus Boy, take a seat over there, huh?
Arthur Duncan : Yeah, sure, right
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Det. Ron Harris : Uh, got it. Looks like we got a wild party in progress over at the Greenwich Hotel. You know, booze and hookers.
Capt. Barney Miller : Take Levitt
Det. Ron Harris : Oh, thank you sir
[hands mail to Captain Miller]
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Andrew Landry : Now, the thing is Sergeant, Mesa City offers a unique blend of social and cultural opportunities that is tailor-made for the young man on the go.
Det. Ron Harris : Hmm. And you're going in the cage
Andrew Landry : I mean, we have our own Symphony, The Jubilee Dinner Theater and Ballet, several prominent art galleries, a rodeo
Det. Ron Harris : Oh, yahoo... inside.
Andrew Landry : But, uh, but on a more personal note, Sergeant, as a minority member, your opportunities in regards to community leadership and rapid advancement within the department are virtually limitless
Det. Ron Harris : So I'd be it , huh?
Andrew Landry : Well, I'd have to check that .
Andrew Landry : Hm-mmm
[Harris closes cage door]
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Officer Carl Levitt : We're back
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : All right, inside Harris
Det. Ron Harris : Hey
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : It's habit
Capt. Barney Miller : How'd it go ?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Same crowd from the cafeteria, so we, uh, busted in , we rounded them up, and we headed them out... . I read the brochure
Det. Ron Harris : The, uh, paddy wagon, took them all over to Manhattan South and Mr. Kaiser just went along for the ride
Capt. Barney Miller : Right ? Look, uh, it's almost the end of the shift. Uh, why don't you run that bunch downtown and head on home ?
Det. Ron Harris , Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : All right
Officer Carl Levitt : Uh, sir, I would like to say something before we adjourn for the dawn
Capt. Barney Miller : Yes, Levitt
Officer Carl Levitt : Well, it's just , uh, I think I speak for all of us when I say no matter how tedious or frustrating or unrewarding the job may seem at times. It's a privilege of serving under a officer of your caliber and dedication that somehow makes the whole wacky ball of wax worth while. Right ,guys ?
Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Yeah, right , Levitt
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich : I got nothing to add.
Det. Ron Harris : I couldn't have said it better myself.
[Bingo honk horn]
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[first lines]
Det. Ron Harris : Oh, um, Barney? William Krebs, a.k.a. 'Bingo'.
William Krebs aka Bingo the Clown : What's happening with the world?
Capt. Barney Miller : I'm not sure, Mr. Krebs.
Det. Ron Harris : He was, um- he was mugged while entertaining a crowd of moviegoers outside the Tivoli Theater over on House Street.
Capt. Barney Miller : Hm.
Det. Ron Harris : Sounds like our man, huh?
William Krebs aka Bingo the Clown : What man?
Capt. Barney Miller : I'm afraid you were the third clown to be assaulted in this precinct in the last two weeks.
Det. Ron Harris : I didn't have the heart to say it.