- Batman: Don't move, I'll get the universal drug antidote.
- Molly: [gets out of the Batmobile and pulls out a revolver, pointing it at Batman] Reach, Batman!
- Batman: Well, Molly. I was wondering when you would get around to that.
- Molly: What? You mean you *saw* through my disguise?
- Batman: A criminal always makes one mistake, Molly. Those straws you gave Robin to breathe through, I spotted the defect in the mask instantly. That was the one hole in your plan.
- Molly: Well, there are gonna be some holes in you, Batman.
- [pulls the trigger on her revolver, nothing happens]
- Batman: Foolish girl. You were so bent on your murderous scheme, you failed to notice. In the Batmobile, I burned off your revolver's firing pin with a hidden bat-laser beam.
- The Riddler: Molly should have been back by now with Batman's scalp. I wonder what went awry?
- Robin: You went awry, Riddler! Years ago! Don't you know that crime never pays?
- Robin: Listen: how many sides is a circle?
- [Batman jerks back his head in thought]
- Robin: Answer: two. Inside and outside, right?
- Batman: Right.
- Robin: Here's the second one: what President of the United States wore the biggest hat?
- [Batman turns around and starts pacing]
- Robin: It's, it's easy Batman: the one with the biggest head!
- Batman: Of course.
- The Moldavian Prime Minister: Is famous mammoth of Moldavia, dear lady. Found in ice many centuries ago. Worshiped by the peoples of my country. Notice priceless jewels in eyes and elsewhere.
- [points towards the mammoth's rear]
- The Moldavian Prime Minister: This is stuffed exclusively with used postage stamps from ancient Kingdom of Moldavia. Very cheap stuffing then, but now, worth unspeakable fortune to stamp collectors.
- The Riddler: [wearing an elephant mask that doubles as a gasmask] Has anybody seen my friend Kersh?
- The Moldavian Prime Minister: Kersh who?
- The Riddler: Gesundheit!
- Robin: Riddler! You fiend! What's the meaning of this? Where's Batman?
- The Riddler: Hanging.
- Robin: What?
- The Riddler: Hanging by his phone, I hope. Call him. Get him through police headquarters on that famous hotline; I wish to pose him another amusing problem.
- Batman: This jokes on you, Riddler!
- Robin: When is a donkey spelled with one letter? When it's U!
- The Riddler: A Trojan mammoth!
- Bruce Wayne: I have only one regret in the whole affair. One thing that makes me heartsick.
- [as Bruce stares towards the window, a superimposed image of Molly appears shaped like a star]
- Dick Grayson: Molly? You kind of liked her, didn't you?
- Bruce Wayne: [turns around] If only I could have helped her somehow. Weened her from that tragic alliance with the underworld which led to...
- Aunt Harriet: [Aunt Harriet comes in carrying a tray filled with milk, tea and cookies] Oh dear me, Bruce, I hope you're not speaking of any young lady we know. I mean the thought of young Dick being exposed to any criminal element is...
- Bruce Wayne: Rest at ease, Aunt Harriet, the young lady won't trouble us. She's merely someone I passed like a ship in the night. Now vanished like a puff of smoke.
- The Riddler: [to his men when Batman and Robin face them down] Get them boys. Get them or it's curtains!
- The Riddler: Did you hear about Greta Garbo? She dreamed one night she sprinkled six boxes of grass seed in her hair and woke up moaning,
- [imitating Garbo]
- The Riddler: "I want to be alone."
- [as The Riddler crashes the party]
- The Moldavian Prime Minister: What is that?
- Moldavian Prime Minister's Wife: It appears to be a vulgar, low comedian.