- Harley Quinn: You thought I was just another bubble-headed blond bimbo! Well, the joke's on you, 'cause I'm not even a real blonde.
- [Batman has released Harley Quinn from Arkham to help him find the Joker. While they are riding along in the Batmobile:]
- Harley Quinn: [reaches for the dashboard] I want to listen to the radio!
- Batman: Don't!
- [She pushes a button, and a drag chute deploys from the Batmobile's rear, causing the car to swerve wildly, until Batman brakes to a stop]
- Harley Quinn: Oops.
- Batman: Listen, and listen good. You don't touch anything, say anything, or *do* anything unless I tell you! GOT IT?
- Harley Quinn: [small voice] Yes, sir.
- [fleeing the city]
- Harley Quinn: But what about all our friends? Ivy and Two-Face and... Hat Guy and Lizard Man and Puppet Head and...
- The Joker: What about them?
- Batman: Don't forget your little pets!
- Harley Quinn: [gasp] The babies! We can't leave the babies!
- The Joker: I'll buy you a goldfish. Let's go!
- Harley Quinn: Oh, the irony of it! The stalwart Dark Knight and his greatest female adversary, working together to save the city!
- [She takes Batman's hand and raises it into the air with hers - cut to her hands, handcuffed in her lap, as she rides shotgun in the Batmobile]
- Harley Quinn: I sense a lack of trust.
- Harley Quinn: Did you see the way I handled those creeps? Pow! Bam! Batgirl, eat your heart out!
- Robin: What was she before she went bonkers?
- Batman: A clinical psychiatrist.
- Robin: Figures.
- Batman: Ms. Quinn?
- Dr. Harleen Quinzel: [gasping and falling off the bed] Dontcha knock before entering a lady's boudoir?
- Batman: I need help.
- Dr. Harleen Quinzel: Well, you've come to the right place. I recommend a lobotomy.
- Harley Quinn: Freeze, clown.
- Batman: Quinn! Stop!
- Harley Quinn: He's mine, Bats.
- The Joker: You wouldn't dare. You don't have the guts.
- [tears well in her eyes]
- The Joker: Not in a million years would you...
- [she cocks the gun and pulls the trigger; a pole pops out with "rat-tat-tat" cards]
- The Joker: [after glaring at her in anger, he cackles] Baby, you're the greatest!
- The Joker: Come, my dear. We'll get to a safe altitude, then watch the fireworks.
- Robin: It's lucky you were here, Harley. The countdown sequence didn't leave Joker enough time to swing by Arkham and pick you up.
- The Joker: [under his breath] Quiet, brat.
- Harley Quinn: You were gonna come back for me, weren't you, Puddin'?
- The Joker: Of course, Pumpkin Pie. It's just that, well, here you are. So I can, uh... save myself a trip.
- Batman: What's the attraction, Quinn? This sick infatuation with the Joker?
- Harley Quinn: Look, Bats, when I was a doctor, I was always listening to other people's problems. Then I met Mr. J, who listened to me for a change and made everything fun.
- Batman: You think it's funny when he hurts people?
- Harley Quinn: It's just a joke.
- Batman: Hope you're still laughing when it's your turn.
- Harley Quinn: [sticking out her tongue] Hmph. Mmm.
- Batman: [firing his grappling gun] Grab on.
- Harley Quinn: I can do it myself, thank you.
- [she takes her own out, with a large composite of the Joker's face on top, and fires it]
- Harley Quinn: Ha ha.
- [getting conked on the head]
- Harley Quinn: Ow!
- Batman: The Joker's stolen a bomb. If I can't get to him in time, this city and everyone in it's going up in a mushroom cloud.
- Dr. Harleen Quinzel: So you want me to turn squealer on Mr. J? Ha! Sorry, B-man. No deal.
- Batman: I've talked to Gordon and Dr. Bartholomew. You help me find the Joker, and they'll write your ticket out of here.
- Dr. Harleen Quinzel: Whee!
- Batman: *If* you promise no double-cross.
- Dr. Harleen Quinzel: Aw, shoot! Take all the fun outta life.
- [after Harley ties up Batman and Robin with a cable gun stolen from the Batmobile]
- Harley Quinn: Gee, it's amazing the things you find in people's glove compartments.
- Batman: Any word on the Joker?
- Robin: Nothing. I even checked with Gordon again, and the mayor still refuses to let the cops evacuate the city.
- Harley Quinn: [laughing and chortling] Oh, it's brilliant. Way to go, Mr. J!
- Batman: What are you saying?
- Harley Quinn: Oh, come on, Bats. You've seen how my Puddin' keeps an eye on Gotham. What better way to tie up the cops than to tie up the mayor?
- Harley Quinn: [handcuffed in the Batmobile] What gives?
- Batman: I can't risk you warning the Joker.
- Harley Quinn: [innocently] Would I do a thing like that?
- [the canopy closes]
- Harley Quinn: Hey, let me out! Come on!
- The Joker: Harley?
- Harley Quinn: Hi, Puddin'. Miss me?
- The Joker: Ooh, you clever little minx. How did you escape from Arkham?
- Harley Quinn: Batman sprung me so's I could find you. Had me all locked up in his bad old car, too.
- The Joker: [feigning sympathy] Aw.
- Batman: Quinn! We had a deal.
- Harley Quinn: Deal's off, B-man. No one ever said anything about hurtin' Mr. J.
- Harley Quinn: Sneak, sneak, sneak.
- Batman: Shh.
- Harley Quinn: Shh? Whaddaya mean, "shh"? No one's been in this dump for years.
- [he picks the lock, and the door opens to reveal a lively underground gentlemen's club]
- Dealer: Here it is, gentlemen. Enough kaboom to turn Gotham into the world's biggest pothole. What say we start the bidding at, uh... one million?
- [various bids are called]
- Dealer: Gentlemen, please, don't insult me with nickel-and-dime bids. The man who walks out with this bomb walks out with Gotham in his pocket, yours to pick clean or blow sky-high. Your call. What am I bid?
- The Joker: How about nothing? Zero, zip, zilch, nada?
- [throwing one of his razor-sharp playing cards]
- The Joker: My personal check for bupkis, drawn on the First National Bank of squat-doo.
- [the thugs all cock their guns]
- The Joker: Sorry, boys. This lot is sold.
- [he takes off his top hat to reveal a cannonball bomb with a lit fuse]
- The Joker: Nothing like a moonlight dip, eh, Mr. Mayor?
- Mayor Hamilton Hill: Please. Just make your ransom demands and get on with it.
- The Joker: Oh, no ransom this time, Hammy.
- Mayor Hamilton Hill: You can't mean...
- The Joker: Oh, yes, indeedy-do. Instead of taking you, the cops, and the Batman down separately, I'm going to blast you all at once!
- [into his walkie-talkie]
- The Joker: Send down the plane, boys. We're blowing town. Literally.
- Batman: The Joker will be extra cautious this time. We'll have to think like him or recruit someone who does.