- Clayton Runnymede Endicott III: [Lord Barkdale's monocle is missing] Everybody down on their hands and knees.
- Benson DuBois: I don't think praying will help.
- Clayton Runnymede Endicott III: [the Governor just accidentally stepped on the monocle] Oh you stepped on it. You stepped on it. How could you do such a stupid thing.
- Clayton Runnymede Endicott III, Governor Eugene Xavier Gatling: Are you talking to me, Clayton?
- Governor Eugene Xavier Gatling: Benson, when two people get married it's for better or for worse. And believe me, most of the time, it's for the best.
- Benson DuBois: Well, I agree with you intellectually, but I can't buy it in the pit of my stomach.
- Miss Gretchen Wilomena Kraus: [Kraus and Denise are helping the Governor prepare for a driver's license exam] Now two cars reach an intersection at the same time. What happens?
- Denise Florence Stevens: They crash.
- Lord Barkdale: Could somebody point me to the loo?
- Governor Eugene Xavier Gatling: Where is everybody? Oh.
- [Governor bumps into Lord Barkdale causing a chain reaction of people bumping into one another. As a result, a tray of food lands in Lady Barkdale's lap]
- Lady Barkdale: I don't seem to have any silverware.
- Benson DuBois: Kraus, Lord Barkdale wasn't finished with that soup.
- Miss Gretchen Wilomena Kraus: Ya? Tell him to put it where the shoes get shined. He was insulting my soup.
- Benson DuBois: He wasn't insulting your soup, I was insulting your soup. He was fishing for his monocle.
- Wesley: [Wesley and Jennifer are sitting down at a restaurant. Benson is sitting at a nearby table and trying not to be noticed] You look just as good as you did on graduation night.
- Benson DuBois: She's not gonna buy that.
- Jennifer Clark: Wesley, if you're trying to sweet talk me, it's working.
- Benson DuBois: She bought it.