The Bernie Mac Show (TV Series)

If I Were N-Riched Man (2002)

Bernie Mac: Bernie 'Mac' McCullough

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Bernie and Wanda are sitting in the living room looking at their mail] 

  Bernie 'Mac' McCullough : Hey baby, the phone bill kind of high this month. Look at that.

  Wanda McCullough : Vanessa was doing good in school so I let her call some friends.

  Bernie 'Mac' McCullough : Vanessa?

  Wanda McCullough : Mmm-hmm.

  Wanda McCullough : You still got to watch her, baby. I mean, she already think we rich.

  Wanda McCullough : Well, compared to where she's from.

  Bernie 'Mac' McCullough : Yeah, but she think we're old country club rich - old money rich. Shoot, we just nigger rich.

  [Wanda pokes Bernie] 

  Bernie 'Mac' McCullough : What?

  [the camera angle changes and we see that, unbeknownst to Wanda and Bernie, Bryana has been listening to their conversation] 

• [Jordan, who wants to go out and play, has just put a dent on Bernie's car] 

  Bernie 'Mac' McCullough : Jordan, what's wrong with you? Are you blind, huh? What do I gotta do to put some sense into your head, Jordan? Beat you in the head with a dictionary? It ain't gonna do no good? 'Cause you ain't gonna see it coming? Your big thick pop out glasses you got on? Jordan, I swear, you make me so doggone angry, I just wanna wring your neck, you stupid little beetle!

  [Bryana and her teacher, who just heard this, are looking critically at Bernie] 

  Bryana 'Baby Girl' Thomkins : Hi, Uncle Bernie.

  Joan Lefco : "Stupid little beetle"?

• Joan Lefco : Bryana, did you just say that Billy was a pain the...

  Bernie 'Mac' McCullough : ...ass?

  [teacher shakes her head yes] 

• Bernie 'Mac' McCullough : You got Dracula - a wooden stake; Wolfman - a silver bullet. But little boys, a belt. But I've been stripped of my weapons. Wait a minute. I don't need a belt.