- Sam Best: When I first saw you standing there, wind blowing in your hair... I fell in love.
- Elvira Best: [sighs] You looked so handsome in your blue uniform as you marched in and burned my daddy's plantation to the ground.
- [first lines]
- Narrator: The West was openin' up and folks were on the move, just bustin' to live out their dreams. Thing is, sometimes the West of their dreams wasn't quite the same as the West they run into.
- Daniel Best: I'm sorry, Mamie.
- Elvira Best: I believe you mean 'mommy'.
- Elvira Best: I thought in the South they said 'Mamie'?
- Elvira Best: They do, but not to their mommy.
- Daniel Best: Well, you're not exactly my mommy.
- Elvira Best: Well, I'm certainly not your Mamie.
- Marshal Sam Best: Daniel! If the next word is 'Philadelphia', I'm knocking it back down your throat!
- Sam Best: I don't have a gun and shooting a unarmed man won't do much for your reputation.
- The Calico Kid: That is my reputation.