- Mr. Mortimer: I want you to try to sell him a family plot. These people are loaded.
- Mr. Brubaker: I see there are four in the family.
- Mr. Mortimer: Yeah, but I want you to sell them five plots. One for their banker.
- Mr. Brubaker: Banker?
- Mr. Mortimer: Believe me, when Clampett goes, that guy will kill himself.
- Mr. Brubaker: Have you heard anything from the police?
- Jed Clampett: Well, no. For a while there, I was afraid Mrs. Drysdale next door was gonna call 'em, but we think we figured a way to keep her quiet. Jethro, you got that hole dug for Mrs. Drysdale?
- Jethro Bodine: Yes sir, Uncle Jed.
- Jed Clampett: Fine and dandy. We'll plant her as soon as we take car of Granny.
- Mr. Brubaker: I'm very sorry to disturb him in his time of mourning.
- Elly May Clampett: Oh, that's all right. He's been up since the crack of dawn.
- Mr. Mortimer: Happy Valley is in a beautiful pastoral setting.
- Jed Clampett: Oh, good, good.
- [to Elly May and Jethro]
- Jed Clampett: It's pasture land
- Jed Clampett: You cut down one of our trees to make that?
- Jethro Bodine: No sir. Cut down one of Mrs. Drysdale's.
- Jed Clampett: Why?
- Jethro Bodine: So Granny won't know about it.
- Jed Clampett: Well, Mrs. Drysdale will know about it. She's gonna yell bloody murder.
- Jethro Bodine: She ain't home.
- Jed Clampett: When she comes home and sees what you done, she'll likely call the police.
- Jethro Bodine: No she won't. I gnawed the stump so it looked like a beaver done it.