- Jane Hathaway: Have you decided what you'd like to be, Jethro?
- Jethro Bodine: Yes ma'am. I wanna be a spy.
- Jane Hathaway: A spy?
- Jed Clampett: Whatever gave you that notion?
- Jethro Bodine: I seen this movie about a spy, ol' Double Naught Seven. This rascal really had hisself some high old time.
- Jethro Bodine: You see, double naught spies is what you call irresistable to women. This fella spent most of his time fightin' and lovin' and lovin' and fightin' and lovin' some more.
- Jethro Bodine: Shucks, when it comes to lovin', I'm greener than a gourd.
- Milburn Drysdale: But when your Uncle Jed said that, you replied, "That's what you think."
- Jethro Bodine: Yessir, that's what I think too.
- Jane Hathaway: I think you should forget about becoming an intelligence agent.
- Jethro Bodine: Is that the same thing as a spy?
- Jane Hathaway: Yes, it's a dreadfully dangerous occupation and I wouldn't want anything to happen to you.
- Jethro Bodine: That's one of the good things about bein' a double naught spy. You can get shot, stabbed, blowed up, drowned, and everythin'. The first thing you know, they is back huggin' the girls again, good as new.
- Jed Clampett: Do spies eat as good as soldiers and sailors?
- Jethro Bodine: Well gee, I dunno. This movie didn't have much eatin' in it, mostly fightin' and lovin'.
- Jed Clampett: Well you can't keep that up for long without eatin' somethin'.
- Jed Clampett: Do spies get to wear fancy uniforms?
- Jethro Bodine: Gee, I dunno?
- Jed Clampett: You could use with some new duds. Them britches of yours look like you're fixin' to wade a crick.
- Daisy Moses: Well, the food chute is back, the one-man locust plague. I bet you're hungry.
- Jethro Bodine: Oh yes ma'am.
- Jed Clampett: What's for vittles, Granny?
- Daisy Moses: Overlook stew.
- Jed Clampett: What's that?
- Daisy Moses: I'm stewin' everythin' he overlooked, and it ain't much.
- Elly May Clampett: Granny, what's that rope fer?
- Daisy Moses: To lasso my whale. He's too big for a hook and line.
- Elly May Clampett: Hey Pa, can I fetch home me a swimmin' critter from Marineland?
- Jed Clampett: We'll see, Elly. Jethro ain't even joined yet.
- Elly May Clampett: Well how 'bout if'n I join the Marines too?
- Jed Clampett: I'm afraid not, Elly. Says here in the paper that they can build men, but I don't see how they can build one outta you.
- Jethro Bodine: [sees sign for Marineland feeding hours] Hot dog! Lookit that. Marines gets fed 6 times a day.
- Marineland Manager: Ever worn a wetsuit?
- Elly May Clampett: Well shucks yeah! He had a wet suit just this mornin'.
- Daisy Moses: Now I'll never git my whale.
- Jed Clampett: Count yer blessin's, Granny. You got the greatest fish story ever told.
- Daisy Moses: Whatcha mean?
- Jed Clampett: You're the first fisherman that was ever throwed back by the fish.