- Jed Clampett: You fixin' to go wadin'?
- Elly May Clampett: No sir, Pa.
- Daisy Moses: Well your skirt is short enough for it.
- Jed Clampett: That's a fact. You're showin' more meat than a butcher's window.
- Elly May Clampett: Oh! This here's whatcha call a mini skirt.
- Daisy Moses: Minnie who?
- Jed Clampett: Sure can't be Minnie Pearl.
- Commodore Stewart Ratterman: Who are you? His nurse?
- Elly May Clampett: No sir. I'm Jethro's yes-girl. No matter what he says, I got to say "Yes" to it.
- Commodore Stewart Ratterman: [Watching Elly May walk away] Maybe the kid isn't as dumb as he acts.
- Harry Hogan: Excuse me, are you going to re-stage this?
- Jethro Bodine: [to Elly May] Am I gonna re-stage this?
- Elly May Clampett: Yes J. B.
- Commodore Stewart Ratterman: Are you out of your mind?
- Jethro Bodine: [to Elly May] Am I outta my mind?
- Elly May Clampett: Yes J. B.
- Jed Clampett: [Jed stops the makeup man from powdering his nose] You're at it agin. I done told you.
- Makeup Man: Do you want a shiny nose?
- Jed Clampett: Do you want a shiny eye?
- Lester Flatt, Earl Scruggs, Jed Clampett, Daisy Moses, Elly May Clampett, Jethro Bodine: Oh the best durn soap is Granny's lye soap/It gets yer clothes much whiter/You can bet your hat it'll make dirt scat/And make your whole day brighter.