- Jethro Bodine: Look what I got
- [holding a letter]
- Jed Clampett: From your ma?
- Jed Clampett: No, from the President.
- Daisy Moses: The president of what?
- Elly May Clampett: The president of the whole country.
- Daisy Moses: You got a letter from Jeff Davis?
- Milburn Drysdale: I was in the quartermaster corps, myself. Made sergeant. Had a little lending service on the side.
- Jane Hathaway: You never saw combat, did you?
- Milburn Drysdale: Me? I went through some of the bloodiest fighting of the war. Got shot at a dozen times.
- Jane Hathaway: But you never went overseas.
- Milburn Drysdale: When you lend money to soldiers at 40%, you don't have to.
- Jed Clampett: You told me that the government up in Washington was hurtin' for money and deep in debt.
- Milburn Drysdale: Yes, but...
- Jed Clampett: I can't let the government pay for Jethro when I got all them millions just layin' here in your bank.
- Jed Clampett: Sounds like Granny and Pearl is after the same feller.
- Elly May Clampett: Yes sir. They is fightin' out front. I best go help the loser.
- Jed Clampett: Who's losin'?
- Elly May Clampett: Mr. McKeegan.