- Jane Hathaway: [admiring Jethro] That boy is like a magnificent lighthouse - tall, strong, and sturdy. If only his beacon weren't so dim.
- Jed Clampett: Well, generally a man is ashamed to be known as a home wrecker, but that rascal's got it wrote right across his back!
- Jed Clampett: You ain't heard it all. He gets paid for bustin' up homes!
- Daisy Moses: Ain't there no limit to what these city folks will do for a dollar?
- Milburn Drysdale: Whoever named you the weaker sex must be the same idiot who said 'money can't buy happiness'.
- Daisy Moses: But my shotgun's in the cabin, there.
- Jane Hathaway: No no no Granny, Granny Please, Mr. Drysdale knows the law. He knows how to handle the situation.
- Daisy Moses: So do I... with buckshot.