- Jethro Bodine: Uncle Jed, I almost hated to gradiate. I was a real BMOC.
- Jed Clampett: A what.
- Jethro Bodine: Well that stands for Big Man on Campus. As a matter of fact, I was a OMOC, Only Man on Campus.
- Jed Clampett: Now make us proud of ya. You are Vice President in charge of my money.
- Jethro Bodine: Don't worry, Uncle Jed. When I get through handlin' it, you're gonna have a million dollars.
- Jed Clampett: Jethro.
- Jethro Bodine: Yes sir?
- Jed Clampett: I got 50 million now.
- Elly May Clampett: Boy that College of Judo and Karate ain't worth a hoot.
- Daisy Moses: Why? What happened?
- Elly May Clampett: Well I went in this big room with a real thick rug on the floor and the teacher come out wearing his pajammers.
- Daisy Moses: His pajammers?
- Elly May Clampett: Yeah, and when I told him I wanted to enroll, why he got madder than a rattlesnake with a sore tooth.
- Daisy Moses: What'd he get mad about?
- Elly May Clampett: Well I don't know. He musta got outta the wrong side of the bed. Anyway, he commenced shoutin' and choppin' away at me. Why he even tried to trip me.
- Daisy Moses: Land sakes. What did you do?
- Elly May Clampett: I give him what fer, bounced him around that rug like a basketball.
- Daisy Moses: Good for you, darling.
- Elly May Clampett: I didn't stop thowin' him 'til he offered to gradiate me.
- Daisy Moses: Did he gradiate you?
- Elly May Clampett: Yeah, but he didn't give me no cap and gown. All I got was this skinny old black belt.
- Daisy Moses: Wait'll I tell your Pa. That college is gonna be short one ornery professor.