- Jed Clampett: Ain't these Shorty Kellem's suitcases?
- Daisy Moses: That's right. He's leavin' us. Goin' back to the hills.
- Jed Clampett: Tonight?
- Daisy Moses: That's right.
- Jed Clampett: He didn't say nuthin' to me about leavin'.
- Daisy Moses: He don't know it yet!
- Shorty Kellems: Jethro, am I glad to see you!
- Jethro Bodine: Did you chop all this wood, Shorty?
- Shorty Kellems: Every stick of it. Granny's been holding that shotgun on me for 2 hours, makin' me work my fool head off. Will you take over?
- Jethro Bodine: Sure
- [takes Granny's shotgun]
- Jethro Bodine: I'll watch him, Granny.
- Daisy Moses: If he makes a break for it, give him both barrels.
- Shorty Kellems: This Hollywood night life is kinda expensive. Them four girls last night cost me a bundle
- Jed Clampett: Was them girls from Mr. Drysdale's secretarial pool?
- Shorty Kellems: No, these are what you call go-go dancers.
- Jed Clampett: Go-go?
- Shorty Kellems: And before I knew it, my money was gone-gone.
- Helen Thompson: Who's Jed Clampett?
- Miss Gloria Buckles: He's a funny old geezer with a torn hat and raunchy clothes who talks with a hillbilly drawl.
- Jane Hathaway: He has $90 million.
- Milburn Drysdale: Right.
- Miss Gloria Buckles: He's that distinguished looking gentleman with the casual wardrobe and darling rural accent.
- Shorty Kellems: Congratulate me, Jethro. I'm marryin' into your family.
- Jethro Bodine: Is that true, Uncle Jed?
- Jed Clampett: It sure is. Shorty put it on paper and slipped it under his lady love's door. Congratulations Shorty, Granny's gonna make you a dandy wife.
- Shorty Kellems: D-D-Did he say G-G-Granny?
- Jethro Bodine: That's what he said.
- Shorty Kellems: Oh Lordy! I slipped it under the wrong d-d-do, I blew it.