- Jed Clampett: It just don't seem neighborly for us to keep to ourselves the way we do.
- Daisy Moses: It ain't us that's stand-offish, it's our neighbors. They were from the very start. Why when we moved in here, nary a one of 'em lifted a finger to help us.
- Jed Clampett: But they didn't know we was movin' in, Granny. Since then, every single one has offered to help us move out.
- Jed Clampett: Well I'll be doggone, a boat in a bottle.
- Milburn Drysdale: Yes, you see Mr. Clampett, I've been giving a lot of thought to your problem of keeping busy. Now a friend of mine had the same problem. He solved it by building this boat.
- Jed Clampett: How did he get it in there?
- Milburn Drysdale: He built it in there, It took 3 years.
- Jed Clampett: He coulda built it a lot quicker outside the bottle.
- Milburn Drysdale: Yes, he wanted to build it in there.
- Jed Clampett: Why?
- Milburn Drysdale: It's his hobby.
- Jed Clampett: How's he gonna get it out?
- Milburn Drysdale: He doesn't want to get it out.
- Jed Clampett: How's he gonna sail it?
- Milburn Drysdale: He won't. It's just to look at.
- Jed Clampett: Be easier to look at outside the bottle, wouldn't it?
- Milburn Drysdale: Yes but...
- Jed Clampett: Seems to me he wasted a boat and a bottle.
- Milburn Drysdale: But think of all the absorbing hours he spent.
- Jed Clampett: Yeah, he wasted them too.
- Jane Hathaway: Of course, these are not just ordinary stamps. These are very rare, very valuable collector's items. Now for example, here's one from Hawaii. The price is almost $50,000. Wouldn't you like to own that?
- Jed Clampett: No ma'am.
- Jane Hathaway: Why not?
- Jed Clampett: Well I don't know nobody in Hawaii, and if I did, I wouldn't write to 'em at that price.
- Jed Clampett: I'm gettin lazy as ol' Duke there. He's so lazy, he's got to lean up against somethin' to bark.
- Jethro Bodine: Hey, you know that boat that was in the bottle?
- Milburn Drysdale: What do you mean, was?
- Jethro Bodine: Well I got it out for ya.
- Milburn Drysdale: You didn't.
- Jethro Bodine: Yes sir, it was easy. All I did was knock the bottom outta the bottle.
- Roberta Graham: Just a moment, Madame. Unless you have an appointment, you can't see Mr. Clampett.
- Daisy Moses: I can too, he's settin' right there.
- Milburn Drysdale: Just take a look at these coins. This collection belongs to a friend of mine. You see that dime?
- Jed Clampett: Yep.
- Milburn Drysdale: He paid $12,000 for that.
- Jed Clampett: He got slickered. A dime's only worth 10 cents.