- Daisy Moses: I'm gonna tell ya about the woman that's runnin' agin me in this election. She has the brain of a chicken, the disposition of a alligator, and the figure of an over-stuffed silo!
- Jed Clampett: Mrs. Drysdale sets a great store by bein' a society leader of Beverly Hills. You know she ain't gonna turn down a chance to be Possum Queen.
- Jane Hathaway: But you promised them that Beverly Hills would put on a fabulous Possum Festival.
- Milburn Drysdale: I did not! I promised them that you would put it on. Now it's up to you to see that I keep my word.
- Jane Hathaway: But there's nothing I can do without the official approval of the city.
- Milburn Drysdale: I told you how to get that, threaten them. Tell the mayor and the council that unless they cooperate, I'll move my bank and the Clampetts out of Beverly Hills.
- Jane Hathaway: I did.
- Milburn Drysdale: I'll bet that got some action.
- Jane Hathaway: Yes, they stood and applauded for 5 minutes.
- Jane Hathaway: Let's put the Clampetts on a plane for home, the only place in the civilized world where Possum Day is celebrated.
- Milburn Drysdale: Well I'm going to change that. There must be plenty of communities around here that would jump at that opportunity. Now let's see.
- [looks at the map]
- Milburn Drysdale: Ah, here's one, right on the coast, Possum Beach.
- Jane Hathaway: That's Pismo Beach.
- Milburn Drysdale: Maybe they'll change it.
- Daisy Moses: I got a campaign to run.
- Jed Clampett: Granny, I think you done enough runnin' for a while. I declare, you look like the last prune in the box.
- Daisy Moses: Remember what Williams Jennings Bryan said, "Fight hard, but fight clean."
- Jethro Bodine: Well you ain't fightin' clean, Granny.
- Daisy Moses: 'Course I ain't! Williams Jennings Bryan was a loser!
- Milburn Drysdale: There isn't going to be any Possum Festival. I was even turned down by Death Valley.
- Jed Clampett: Granny will cut taxes?
- Jethro Bodine: Yes sir, that's a real popular campaign promise. Everybody from mayor to president makes that one.
- Jed Clampett: But Granny ain't... well I reckon she can keep it about as good as the others have.
- Daisy Moses: First batch went over pretty well, did it?
- Elly May Clampett: Well it kinda depended on who come to the door. If it was a man, we generally hit it off just dandy. Some of them didn't want me to leave.
- Jed Clampett: Well as you know, the queen gets her weight in possums. Well Granny here don't weigh 7 stone soppin' wet. But in order to balance out Mrs. Drysdale, it's gonna take 30 or 40 good-sized possum. And where is them extra possums comin' from? From your own back yards!