- [first lines]
- Samantha Stephens: [about Aunt Clara] I know she's a bit vague, but she's never really done anybody any harm.
- Endora: [complains at Aunt Clara] You sit down and listen to me. Last week, she insisted in coming to London with Bertha and me. Half way there, she started to lose altitude.
- Samantha Stephens: That's terrible.
- Endora: Oh, you don't know the half of it! We had to piggyback her the rest of the way!
- Samantha Stephens: Poor Aunt Clara.
- Endora: Yes, and right in the middle of the convention she waltzes in with a huge doorknob she acquired for her collection.
- Samantha Stephens: That's bad?
- Endora: She'd taken it from Buckingham palace!
- Gladys Kravitz: [looks into a dictionary, reads] "Warlock:... Sorcerer, wizard". Abner. There's a wizard at the Stephen's home.
- Abner Kravitz: It's good for the lawn. It eats the mosquitoes.
- Gladys Kravitz: Not a lizard, a wizard.
- Abner Kravitz: Wizard, lizard, as long as it eats the mosquitoes.
- Samantha Stephens: I still don't understand why you don't want to see him.
- Aunt Clara: [tries to get privacy] Oh, well... Ah... Endora...
- Endora: What?
- Aunt Clara: Haven't you a house to haunt or something?
- Endora: All right. All right, Clara. I'll go. I think I can skip all the gruesome details of your fly-by-night romance.
- [disappears]
- Aunt Clara: I know she's your mother, dear, but she can be trying. And she insists that I'm in my dotage.
- Samantha Stephens: She worries about you, Aunt Clara.
- Gladys Kravitz: [complaining as Abner is playing a flute] Abner, I'm telling you, I saw it with my own eyes. A funny, little old... Will you stop playing that flute and listen to me?
- Abner Kravitz: I've listened. Twelve times already.
- Gladys Kravitz: She walked right into the wall and bounced off again! So any reasonable person would figure it was an accident, right?
- Abner Kravitz: But what did you think, Gladys?
- Gladys Kravitz: An accident the first time. Then she did it again. Bang, right into the wall and bounced off again. And I thought: "Why would anyone wanna bang against a wall?".
- Abner Kravitz: Simple. It feels so good when you stop.
- Gladys Kravitz: The next time she went right through the wall!
- Abner Kravitz: Well, that makes sense.
- Gladys Kravitz: What?
- Abner Kravitz: Well, there's no point in banging your head against a brick wall.
- Gladys Kravitz: I'm beginning to realize that, Abner. I'm beginning to realize that.
- Samantha Stephens: [Endora appears and Samantha notices her] Two visits in one day. What have I done to deserve this?
- Abner Kravitz: See, I told you there's a logical explanation for everything.
- Gladys Kravitz: I suppose there's also a logical explanation for dancing flowers.
- Abner Kravitz: Gladys, will you stop.
- Aunt Clara: [refers at her old friend] He's in the magic-supply business. Isn't that nice? Of course, I mean, it isn't witchcraft, but at least it's an allied line.
- [last lines]
- Aunt Clara: And he left me something to remember him by. A doorknob.
- Samantha Stephens: Oh, Aunt Clara, it's lovely! Lovely.
- Aunt Clara: Oh, yes. It's much better than an engagement ring.