- Endora: [appears] Your cousin Miranda is going to get married, and we're going to the wedding, so be ready to leave tonight.
- Samantha Stephens: Don't you ever say hello?
- Endora: You'll enjoy a vacation from this suburban prison.
- Samantha Stephens: Mother, I can't go. The Tates are coming for dinner. And anyway, I couldn't leave Darrin alone.
- Endora: You know, Samantha, you're devotion to that mortal is absolutely pathetic. Well, I suppose we could drag him along. Show him how the elite live.
- Samantha Stephens: Oh, I don't think so, Mother. Besides, Darrin is very busy. And I've...
- Endora: [Darrin walks into the room] Derwood, we're all going to a wedding. So you better arrange to take two days off from whatever it is you do.
- Darrin Stephens: Don't you ever say hello?
- Samantha Stephens: Darrin, you think you could get a couple of days off?
- Darrin Stephens: I'm afraid not, honey. I'm snowed under with work. I'm sure Larry wouldn't let me off.
- Endora: Oh, I can take care of that.
- Darrin Stephens: Oh, how?
- Endora: Well, I'll simply turn Mr. Tate into an inanimate object for two days. He'll never know you've gone away.
- Samantha Stephens: Mother.
- Endora: Well, it was just an idea.
- Darrin Stephens: Let's keep it that way. I'm afraid you'll just have to count us out, Endora.
- Endora: Oh, don't give up so easily. I don't.
- Darrin Stephens: You know the trouble with your mother? She's here today and here tomorrow. See you tonight.
- [first lines]
- Samantha Stephens: You were up early this morning, huh? What were you doing in the den? Darrin?
- Darrin Stephens: Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
- [Darrin passes Samantha a bottle of ketchup]
- Samantha Stephens: Oh, just what I need. Ketchup with my oatmeal. Big day today, sweetheart?
- Darrin Stephens: Good. Have a nice time.
- Samantha Stephens: I have a feeling I'm not getting through to you.
- Larry Tate: As a matter of face, I've often told Darrin, he should be glad he has such a charming mother-in-law. You should meet Louise's mother. A real witch.
- Endora: Well, it happens in the best of families.
- Darrin Stephens: We'll take all these teddy bears.
- Toy Clerk: Mister, there are twenty-four teddy bears here.
- Darrin Stephens: I know. We're having a picnic.
- Toy Clerk: A teddy bears' picnic.
- Samantha Stephens: I think Mother accepted your apology rather graciously, don't you?
- Darrin Stephens: Yes. Although I did have a little trouble getting to my feet after being in the kneeing position for so long.
- Darrin Stephens: How did you know that?
- Samantha Stephens: Would you believe me if I said it was intuition?
- Darrin Stephens: Of course. But just this once.
- [on the phone]
- Darrin Stephens: Hello, Mr. Harper.