- Merton J. Dingle: It says, uh, Tri-Chi formed their own coven in 1790. A coven that practices black magic.
- Tommy Dawkins: Black magic? Well, that sounds bad.
- Merton J. Dingle: Yeah. Tres bad. Fairuza Balk in The Craft bad! Tommy, black wiccas are hedonistic pagans known for their demonic rituals! And their also renowned for their... blue ribbon fruit pies?
- Tommy Dawkins: I can't believe this. I actually brought Stacy to a bunch of evil witches just so we could go to the same college.
- Merton J. Dingle: Tommy, we gotta get Stacey out of the clutches of this dark sisterhood soon before it's game over!
- Tommy Dawkins: Stacey's a witch? I can't date a witch.
- Merton J. Dingle: Tommy, you're a werewolf. I mean, I'm no Chuck Woolery, but kinda seems like the Halloween episode of Love Connection.
- Tommy Dawkins: Oh, come on, Merton. What are we gonna do?
- Merton J. Dingle: Relax, Tommy. You know. Don't go all Salem Witch Trial on Stacey just yet. Remember, there's just as many good witches out there as bad ones.
- Tommy Dawkins: Okay. Okay, okay. I'm listening, I'm listening.
- Merton J. Dingle: Think Casper's friend Wendy. Or Tabitha from Bewitched with that cute little wiggly nose.