Black Books (TV Series)

Elephants and Hens (2004)

Bill Bailey: Manny

Photos 

Quotes 

• Manny : Well, instead of the? um? academic and the journalist's daughter? um? perhaps it could be about an elephant?

  Bernard : An elephant?

  Manny : That's right.

  Bernard : I see. What's your other suggestion?

  Manny : Well? um? instead of the Stalinist purges and the divorce and the investigation, um? it could be about losing a balloon.

  Bernard : An elephant who loses his balloon?

  Manny : That's it.

  Bernard : But, but it would still be my story in essence?

  Manny : Oh, yeah.

  Bernard : My vision?

  Manny : Completely.

  Bernard : Yes, all right! Let's do that, then!

• [Manny reads "The Elephant and the Balloon", the children's book he and Bernard have spent all night writing] 

  Manny : There's the elephant. He's happy with his balloon. Oh no! It's gone! Where is it? It's not behind the rhino. Look in the alligator's mouth.

  Manny , Bernard : It's not there either.

  Manny : Ohhhh... the monkey's got it in the tree!

  Manny , Bernard : He brings it back. They all drink lemonade. The end.

• Manny : Bernard, it's hot in the worm.

• Bernard : Let's just, you know, get some ideas bouncing around. Sort of go crazy, you know, no rules...

  Manny : Yeah, yeah, sort of anything goes...

  Bernard : [hysterically]  No, not anything goes! I said no rules!

• Fran : You haven't written anything

  Bernard : No actually, we wrote a very good children's book

  Manny : Yes, and then we had to burn it because it was too good

• Manny : How about a London Pigeon?

  Bernard : No, that makes me cringe.

• Manny : 'My, what a lovely carrot' said the hippo. 'Yes, but is it organic?' said the rabbit in a squeaky voice.

• Mother : [deleted scene]  Hello, do you have the latest in the Doom Castle series?

  Bernard : The what?

  Mother : You know, it's the books where there's a group of children and they worship a horned god.

  Manny : Yes, it's right here. Anything that gets them reading, eh?

  Bernard : 6.66

  Mother : All her friends love it too, they come round and have their little ceremonies, don't you dear?

  Girl : We observe the sacred rites. As all must.

• Manny : The modern child, what does he want to read?

  Bernard : ...Who cares? We've got to write for ourselves as children. Back when innocence was legal. Back when you would go cycling for three hours just to tell a friend you saw a frog.

  Manny : All I ever needed for entertainment was a Breezeblock and a bit of an old bone.

  Bernard : I bet you conquered Worlds with that bit of old bone.

• Manny : Well, instead of the... um... academic and the journalist's daughter... um... perhaps it could be about an elephant?

  Bernard : An elephant?

  Manny : That's right.

  Bernard : I see. What's your other suggestion?

  Manny : Well... um... instead of the Stalinist purges and the divorce and the investigation, um... it could be about loosing a balloon.

  Bernard : An elephant who looses his balloon?

  Manny : That's it.

  Bernard : But, but it would still be my story in essence?

  Manny : Oh, yeah.

  Bernard : My vision?

  Manny : Completely.

  Bernard : Yes, alright! Let's do that, then!