- [first lines]
- Blackadder: Right Baldrick, let's try again shall we? This is called adding. If I have two beans, and then I add two more beans, what do I have?
- Baldrick: Some beans.
- Blackadder: Yes... and no. Let's try again shall we? I have two beans, then I add two more beans. What does that make?
- Baldrick: A very small casserole.
- Blackadder: Baldrick, the ape creatures of the Indus have mastered this. Now try again. One, two, three, four. So how many are there?
- Baldrick: Three.
- Blackadder: What?
- Baldrick: ...and that one.
- Blackadder: Three and that one. So if I add that one to the three what will I have?
- Baldrick: Oh. Some beans.
- Blackadder: Yes. To you Baldrick, the Renaissance was just something that happened to other people, wasn't it?
- [after seeing Percy's giant ruff]
- Blackadder: You look like a bird who swallowed a plate Percy.
- Lord Percy Percy: It's the latest fashion actually and as a matter of fact it makes me look rather sexy.
- Blackadder: To another plate swallowing bird perhaps, if it was blind and hadn't had it in months.
- Lord Percy Percy: The fashion today is towards the tiny.
- Blackadder: In that case you have the most fashionable brain in London.
- Blackadder: We live in an age where illness and deformity are commonplace, and yet, Ploppy, you are, without a doubt, the most repulsive individual I have ever met. I would shake your hand, but I fear it would come off.
- Blackadder: I'm off to see the Queen.
- Lord Percy Percy: Oh, should I come too, my lord?
- Blackadder: No, best not. People might think we're friends.
- Lord Melchett: Gray, I suspect, Majesty.
- Queen Elizabeth I: I think you'll find it was orange, Lord Melchett.
- Lord Melchett: Gray is more usual, Ma'am.
- Queen Elizabeth I: Who's Queen?
- Lord Melchett: As you say, Majesty. There were these magnificent orange elephants...
- Lord Percy: Well, yes, My Lord, I mean, I hadn't meant to mention it but I have been wondering all along why you should think Baldrick with a bag on his head is going to be a dead ringer for Lord Farrow, because he's not!
- Blackadder: Look, cretins, the bag is there in order to obscure Baldrick's own features, and many might think, incidentally, that that would be reason enough for him to wear it.