- Alan Matthews: Okay, okay, family meeting. What the heck did you bring home?
- Cory Matthews: [points at Amy] She let her in.
- Amy Matthews: Come on. She's just a little girl playing house.
- Alan Matthews: Amy, sweetheart, she's a little blonde loon.
- Amy Matthews: Nonsense! Look, if I thought there was anything to be concerned about, I would be the first one to sound the alarm.
- [Wendy enters holding a picture frame]
- Wendy: Mrs. Matthews, I found this picture of you in your wedding dress. Maybe someday I'll get to try it on.
- [She goes back upstairs]
- Amy Matthews: Beep, beep, beep, beep!
- Wendy: I'm one of three children, and Cory's one of three children, so I thought we'd keep the tradition alive.
- Cory Matthews: [to Alan] Three kids - what do you think of that, Gramps?
- Jonathan Turner: The first one up is Shawn Hunter. His poem is called "Welfare". Okay. You want me to read this out loud or just forward it to the guidance counseler?
- Shawn Hunter: Read it. It's some of my best work.
- Jonathan Turner: Okay everybody. Buckle up. "My uncle Ralph he does not care. Cause twice a month he gets welfare. My uncle Chuck has nylon hair, he bought the rug with his welfare. Old Corvair. Long nose hair. Electric chair." That's a very colorful family you got there Shawn.
- Shawn Hunter: I didn't use their real names, that's okay right?
- Shawn Hunter: Oh yeah. The less I know the better.
- George Feeny: Mr. Turner, remember, mid-term grades are due next Friday.
- Jonathan Turner: I thought I'd give everybody A's. That way the parents are happy, the kids are happy. Nobody gets hurt.
- George Feeny: Hurt them.
- Alan Matthews: Wendy, uh don't you think think, that, um, raising three children on Cory's $5.00 a week allowance might be a little stressful during the holidays?
- [laughs]
- Wendy: Mr. Matthews, we're not gonna get married anytime soon. We both have a lot of growing up to do.
- Alan Matthews: Oh, well, I'm glad to hear that.
- Cory Matthews: Mm. Let her finish.
- Wendy: We're just grow up together!
- Cory Matthews: [to Alan] You wanna go outside again?
- Morgan Matthews: When you and Cory get married, will you be my sister?
- Wendy: That's right!
- Alan Matthews: Ooh, she's got Morgan...
- Amy Matthews: That is just, so completely sweet!
- Alan Matthews: Oh, she's got all the women!
- Morgan Matthews: Wanna see my doll, sis?
- Wendy: I'd like that. Would you excuse me for a moment?
- Amy Matthews: Of course dear, make yourself at home.
- Cory Matthews: Yeah, move in.
- Alan Matthews: Okay, okay, family meeting. What the heck did you bring home?
- Cory Matthews: [pointing at Amy] *SHE* let her in!
- Amy Matthews: Come on! She's just a little girl playing house.
- Alan Matthews: Amy, sweetheart, she's a little blond loon!
- Amy Matthews: Nonsense! Look, if I thought there was anything to be concerned about, I would be the first one to sound the alarm.
- Wendy: [coming down the stairs] Mrs. Matthews, I found this picture of you in your wedding dress. Maybe someday I'll get to try it on.
- Amy Matthews: Beep, beep, beep, beep!
- Cory Matthews: [to Shawn] Did you know there are 4 generations living in one house? The men don't say much...
- Old Shawn Hunter: Cory? Is that you?
- Old Cory Matthews: Shawn, who else would it be? You know I come here every day, 4:30 for the early bird special. And every day you ask, "Cory, is that you?"
- Old Shawn Hunter: My mind's not as sharp as it used to be.
- Old Cory Matthews: I got news, Shawn, it never was.
- Dominique: I don't understand.
- Eric Matthews: It's over. I can't see you anymore.
- Dominique: But you're in the book. No, no, no, no, no. Come sit. We'll talk while I shampoo.
- [Eric sits for a moment but then stands up]
- Eric Matthews: No! No, Dominique! Look. What we had was wrong and I have to walk out of here with a dry head.
- Dominique: But one quick. No one has to know.
- Eric Matthews: I'd know! Dominique, don't you see? One of us has to be strong and it has to be me. So don't make me do something we're both gonna regret.
- Eric Matthews: Eric, you're making me angry. I will be very rough with you.
- Eric Matthews: Okay!
- [He sits back down]
- Dominique: Good boy.
- Wendy: Where you gonna be this summer?
- Cory Matthews: Ah, this summer? I don't know, it's so far off. Why?
- Wendy: Well, since we're a couple, I was looking forward to spending the summer together.
- Cory Matthews: Well, why don't we wait and see how the spring goes first.
- Wendy: Okay. You know, spring is when love blooms.
- Cory Matthews: I did not know that. Thank you.
- Eric Matthews: Jason, I'm going nuts, The more I try to study, the more I think about girls. Look at this. History, perfect example. Look at this.
- [He shows Jason his textbook]
- Eric Matthews: Queen Victoria, Catherine the Great, Madame Curie. Are they yummy or what?
- Jason Marsden: Yummy!
- Eric Matthews: Oh, and who is this raven-haired beauty?
- Jason Marsden: That's Leonardo da Vinci. Stop that, you're scaring me.
- Eric Matthews: Look at me, I'm alone.
- Alan Matthews: And you will be until these grades come up. Now, until I see some letters closer to the front of the alphabet, you're not going out on any more dates.
- Eric Matthews: Mom... Mommy...
- [He sinks into Amy's embrace, looking pitiful]
- Amy Matthews: [She strokes Eric's hair, gently] Oh, Alan, how can you be so cruel to my sweet little baby?
- Alan Matthews: Well, it was your idea.
- [Amy smiles evilly and Eric looks surprised as their eyes meet]
- Alan Matthews: Eric, you can't rely on your looks to get you through life.
- Eric Matthews: But all I want to be is a weatherman. Okay, look, you guys made a valid point about my grades. But now I'd like the opportunity to present a compelling counter-argument you may not have considered.
- Amy Matthews: Go ahead.
- Eric Matthews: [Immediately starts crying] Don't take away my girls!
- Old Cory Matthews: Wendy, as I look back on the past 90 years together, and see how you gave me a wonderful home, three or four beautiful children, your left kidney and a pair of beautiful socks.
- Old Wendy: Did you like them?
- Old Cory Matthews: Have I ever taken them off?
- Old Wendy: No.
- Old Cory Matthews: That's love! So I just want to say, thank you for loving me and giving me a wonderful life.
- Old Cory Matthews: You know, Shawn, I used to envy you. Since we was young, you've dated thousands of women. And I've been married to Wendy for the past ninety years.
- Old Shawn Hunter: Has it been that long?
- Old Cory Matthews: Oh, yeah. Did you know the ninetieth anniversary is the potato anniversary?
- Old Shawn Hunter: No, I didn't! How long ya been married?
- Old Cory Matthews: [looks up, confused] Who?
- Old Shawn Hunter: [Also confused] What?
- Old Cory Matthews: They *want* you to take the rolls!