- George Feeny: How did you know what dormitory Topanga was in?
- Stuart: She told me. She told me she lived in the McCay Dorms. She offered it to me un-prompted. Isn't that right, Topanga?
- Topanga Lawrence: Yes, that's true but that wasn...
- Stuart: Thank you.
- George Feeny: Did you really think it was proper? I mean, I'm talking about simple, human propriety. To be in a young female student's bedroom?
- Stuart: A dorm room. Also serves as a living room, or a TV room or a study. It was not a bedroom when I was in there.
- George Feeny: Stuart! Do you believe as college professor that it's okay to be alone in a dorm room with a young, female student?
- Stuart: The door was open. I even asked her roommate to stay. In fact it was Topanga who shooed Angela away. Isn't that right, Topanga?
- Topanga Lawrence: She was on her way to the student union. I didn't feel the ne...
- Stuart: Thank you. Anymore questions, George?
- George Feeny: Just one. Is it okay if I rip off your head and roll it down the hallway?
- Cory Matthews: He made a move on Topanga. On my fiance. He used his power and authority to take advantage of her and he told me that there was nothing I could do and he was never going to stop. So, I did something. I mean I-I-I realize Dean that this wasn't the smartest thing in the world to do but it was all I could come up with at the time.
- Dean Lila Bolander: Striking a member of this faculty is inexcusable. No matter what the provocation.
- Shawn Hunter: Can I just say something real quick?
- Dean Lila Bolander: Yes?
- Shawn Hunter: Cory, it's okay with me that you hit him.
- Cory Matthews: Thanks, Shawn.
- [to Dean Bolander]
- Cory Matthews: It's okay with Shawn.
- Dean Lila Bolander: Well, it's not okay with me. According to the bylaws of this university I am bound to expel or suspend any student for striking an educator for any reason whatsoever.
- George Feeny: Dean, I beg you to reconsider this.
- Dean Lila Bolander: George. Sit down. You can't protect them anymore. Cory Matthews, I hereby suspend you from this university for a period of one day.
- Stuart: One day?
- Dean Lila Bolander: You are, however, under probation for the remainder of this term and I will not take kindly to your solving any more problems with anything but words.
- Cory Matthews: No, you don't have to worry about it Dean. Thank you.
- Stuart: Dean, he hit a teacher!
- Dean Lila Bolander: A teacher must be someone a student can trust. The second a teacher uses pressure on a student for any reason whatsoever, other than academic... that trust is destroyed.
- Stuart: Well, there must be some misunderstanding because as a teacher I...
- Dean Lila Bolander: Stuart!
- [points at Mr. Feeny]
- Dean Lila Bolander: *This* is a teacher Stuart. I'm not sure what you are but you can be certain I'm going to find out.
- Alan Matthews: Hey, no matter what happened, we're behind you. No matter what happened!
- Cory Matthews: The first time in my life I hit somebody and it's a teacher.
- Amy Matthews: Ugh!
- Alan Matthews: You idiot! I thought you hit a student.
- Shawn Hunter: My soap opera name is Patrick Trailer Park.
- Angela Moore: Well, mine is Shawnene Martin Luther King Boulevard.
- [Everyone stares]
- Angela Moore: Gosh, I gotta get some black friends.
- Rachel McGuire: So, Topanga what's your middle name?
- Topanga Lawrence: I don't wanna play.
- Jack Hunter: Why not?
- Topanga Lawrence: I have a weird middle name.
- Jack Hunter: Your first name's Topanga. What could your middle name be? Shmaboogie?
- Eric Matthews: [staring at Rachel's backside] Look at that! How'd you like to come home to that every day?
- Jack Hunter: We do come home to that. That's Rachel! You unbelievable, incredible buffoon.
- Stuart: Cory Matthews wakes up one morning. He kisses his lovely wife. He leaves his nice suburban home and then he gets hit by a bus.
- Shawn Hunter: I'll miss you buddy!
- Cory Matthews: No, I don't get hit by a bus.
- Stuart: Why not?
- Cory Matthews: Because I use the crosswalks, memorize the bus schedule and, if I got a wife like Topanga, I ain't leaving the house!
- Stuart: Bus hits you anyway. Now, what's that called?
- Angela Moore: It's fate. Doesn't matter if you stay in or go out, your life is pre-destined and there's nothing you can do about it.
- Cory Matthews: So you mean that bus is going to drive right through my house to get to me?
- Angela Moore: Yes, it is.
- Shawn Hunter: I'll miss you buddy!
- Rachel McGuire: So you take your middle name and you put it with the street that you live on.
- Jack: And that's your soap opera name?
- Eric: Yeah. Like mine is Kimberly Beaumont.
- Eric: Jonathan Cumberland.
- Jack: Eric, your middle name is Randall.
- Eric: Tony Randall. The Odd Couple!
- Jack: Don't you listen to the rules?
- Eric: Who is Tony Randall?
- Jack: Right. You win.
- Eric: I always win