- Cory Matthews: [Rubbing his chest] I don't feel so good. I have appendicitis.
- Eric Matthews: That's not your appendix, that's your heart.
- Cory Matthews: I have ahearticitis.
- Leonard Spinelli: You may be wondering how I sprained my elbow.
- Cory Matthews: Lenny, we know you got hurt at the softball game.
- Leonard Spinelli: What game? You're not supposed to know about the game. I hurt myself getting out of a turtleneck that shrunk.
- Eric Matthews: We know about the game, Lenny.
- Cory Matthews: Just don't let Dad know we know about the game.
- Eric Matthews: Yeah.
- Leonard Spinelli: Oh, boy. Ok, let's recap. Your father says there was no game but knows there was one. You know there was a game but you don't want your father to know you know. Well let me ask you this - don't you think he knows you know he knows you know you know he knows, you know?
- [They stare at him]
- Leonard Spinelli: You got to excuse me, I'm on painkllers.
- Leonard Spinelli: Boy, you guys know how to have a good time. Someday, when I have a family I'm gonna have a good time. Unless my wife divorces me and my kids hate me because she poisoned them against me and I have to send my entire weekly paycheck to support the blood-sucking leeches while I live in squalor and despair. Did I mention I'm on painkillers?
- Eric Matthews: Ah, good morning! Let me give you a weekend weather update. Whether or not I have a date with Cindy this weekend depends on how partly cool I am in school today. There is a definite Vicky front moving in this Saturday and temperatures are expected to rise.
- Amy Matthews: Cooling off by ten o'clock, when you're expected to be home.
- Eric Matthews: Oh, mom, we both know how unpredictable the weather can be.
- Amy Matthews: Don't mess with Mother Nature.
- Eric Matthews: [scared] I'll be home by ten.
- Cory Matthews: Friday, I love Friday. Soon, I'm gonna be home for the whole weekend.
- Amy Matthews: Friday, I hate Friday. Soon, you're gonna be home for the whole weekend.
- Cory Matthews: Oh, you love me.
- Amy Matthews: Oh, you wish.
- Morgan Matthews: I've been up since 6:00.
- Amy Matthews: [looking at Morgan's cereal] What is this? Sugar-coated... sugar?
- Morgan Matthews: I'm feeling very perky!
- Amy Matthews: Come on, Morgan, let's get you into bed.
- Morgan Matthews: How come? How come? How come, how come, how come?
- Amy Matthews: Because if we hurry, we might just make it before the coma.
- Morgan Matthews: Coma? Coma? Coma, coma, coma?
- [Amy takes her upstairs]
- Alan Matthews: Don't waste this, honey. Have her paint the house.