- Buffy Summers: So then, Kathy's like, "It's share time," and I'm like, "Oh, yeah? Share this."
- [she punches the air a few times]
- Oz: So either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her.
- Buffy Summers: Well, I didn't do either, actually... but she deserved it, don't you think?
- Oz: Nobody deserves mime, Buffy.
- Buffy Summers: Cool. You guys can do the brain thing... I'm gonna go to class.
- Oz: Which could also be construed as the brain thing.
- Buffy Summers: Not when you're minoring in "Napping 101."
- [about her roommate]
- Buffy Summers: Ooh! She's even affecting my work, now. She's the Titanic. She's a crawling black *cancer*!
- [kicks and breaks a bench]
- Buffy Summers: She's... other really bad things!
- Oz: On the plus side, you killed the bench which was lookin' shifty.
- Buffy Summers: I can't believe this. After all that we've been through together, and you guys won't believe me when I tell you that Kathy is *bad*.
- Xander Harris: We want to, Buff. It's just...
- Oz: Shh. Don't engage.
- Buffy Summers: So then, after the scorpion, the demon opened my mouth and sucked some kind of weird light out of me. A-And the worst part? I wake up and there's Kathy staring at me like I'm some kind of freak.
- Oz: Well, actually, the worst part? I'd have to go with the demon pouring the blood down your throat.
- Willow Rosenberg: Me too. I would vote for that, too.
- Buffy Summers: Well, I would, but it's not just me in danger from Kathy. Look.
- [pulls out a baggie and shows it to Willow]
- Willow Rosenberg: Toenails?
- Buffy Summers: Evil toenails... I took them off the floor last night when she was in the bathroom. She thought I was asleep.
- Willow Rosenberg: Good thinking. 'Cause in the middle of the night, those toenails could have *attacked* you and left little half-moon marks all over your body.
- Kathy Newman: Look, I'm sorry, okay? I left my dimension to go to college and they sent these guys after me.
- [cuts to Giles at home]
- Xander Harris: But while the Mok'tagar can assume many forms and guises, including human, they can always be recognized by others of their kind... due to their lack of a soul.
- [cuts back to Kathy and Buffy]
- Kathy Newman: So I'm borrowing yours.
- Buffy Summers: Without even asking.
- Rupert Giles: I fear the demon that Buffy met in the woods has somehow possessed her.
- Buffy Summers: Lite FM. Love songs. Nothing but love songs!
- Xander Harris: You think?
- [the milk is missing]
- Kathy Newman: Buffy, it's fine. I just wanted to make sure...
- [song ends and she hits repeat]
- Kathy Newman: ... that we didn't have a thief or something.
- Buffy Summers: Like who? Sid the Wily Dairy Gnome?
- Rupert Giles: You know what this means?
- Buffy Summers: Yes. Not only does she take my sweater, but now she has to horn in on my dreams. She is the most ever mooch... Oh! I haven't even gotten to the floss.
- [Demon dialogue translation]
- Tapparich: There you are. Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in young lady?
- Kathy Newman: I'm not going back!
- Tapparich: Don't take that tone with me.
- Kathy Newman: I'm 3000 years old! When are you going to stop treating me like I'm 900?
- Tapparich: Enough! You're coming home.
- Willow Rosenberg: [on phone] Giles, I-I just talked to Buffy and, yeah, I think she's feeling a little... insane.
- [pause]
- Willow Rosenberg: No, not-not bitchy crazy, more like homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come see you, 'kay?
- Rupert Giles: What sort of demon?
- Buffy Summers: Um, he had a cloak on. Glowy green eyes, and his skin had, like, a super bad fake rub-on tan.
- Rupert Giles: Translate?
- Buffy Summers: Orangey?
- [having just netted Buffy]
- Buffy Summers: This is... This is ridiculous.
- Xander Harris: Buffy, this hurts me more than it hurts you.
- Buffy Summers: Not yet, but it will.
- Kathy Newman: Eww! Who left their gum here?
- Buffy Summers: Gum gnome?
- Kathy Newman: It wasn't me. It had to be somebody, Buffy.
- Kathy Newman: Hmm. Sounds like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
- Buffy Summers: Um-hmm, and guess what. You were next to it.
- Kathy Newman: Do you know what your problem is, Buffy?
- Buffy Summers: You?
- Kathy Newman: Hardly. You're problem is, you're spoiled. Maybe the world revolved around you where you used to live, but it's *share time* now.
- [last lines]
- Buffy Summers: Well, I've always thought I was pretty easy going, you know. It's not like I have the big issues. I don't burn incense or...
- [Willow picks up the other half of Buffy's sandwich]
- Willow Rosenberg: You gonna finish this?
- [takes a bite]
- Buffy Summers: Wait. Did you just hear something?
- Willow Rosenberg: I'm chewing my gum kind of loud.
- Buffy Summers: That's not it.
- Willow Rosenberg: My sneakers are squeaky.
- Buffy Summers: I'm looking for something lurky here, Wil.
- Willow Rosenberg: Oh.
- [Long pause]
- Willow Rosenberg: Sorry, no.
- [first lines]
- Buffy Summers: Wow. This music is so... so...
- Kathy Newman: I know. This song is super fun, isn't it?
- Buffy Summers: You bet. It just gets fun-er and fun-er every time you play it.
- Kathy Newman: Going out?
- Buffy Summers: Yeah... I'm seriously caffeine-deprived. Figured I'd head down to the Grotto and get a jolt and, you know, do some studying.
- Kathy Newman: Well, it's not a problem, is it...? I mean, I figure we're almost like sisters now, living together and everything.