Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV Series)

Some Assembly Required (1997)

Nicholas Brendon: Xander Harris

Photos 

Quotes 

• Xander Harris : Y'know, this might go a lot faster if you femmes actually picked up a shovel, too.

  Rupert Giles : Hear, hear!

  Buffy Summers : Sorry, but I'm an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and women have the babies.

• Cordelia Chase : Why are these terrible things always happening to me?

  Xander Harris : Karma.

  [fake cough] 

• Cordelia Chase : I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. What you did in there was really brave and heroic. And I just wanted to tell you if there's anything I could ever do to...

  Xander Harris : Do you mind? We're talking here. So, where were we?

  Willow Rosenberg : Wondering why we never get dates.

  Xander Harris : Yeah. So, why do you think that is?

• Willow Rosenberg : [has morgue bookmarked on her computer]  It says that Meredith and two other girls in the car were killed instantly. They were all on the Fondren High Pep Squad, on the way to a game.

  Buffy Summers : You know what this means.

  Xander Harris : That Fondren might actually beat Sunnydale in the cross-town body-count competition this year?

  Buffy Summers : She wasn't killed by vampires. Somebody *did* dig up her corpse.

  Cordelia Chase : Eww! Why is it that every conversation you people have has the word "corpse" in it?

• Xander Harris : And speaking of love...

  Willow Rosenberg : We were talking about the reanimation of dead tissue.

  Xander Harris : Do I deconstruct your segues?

• Buffy Summers : I don't get it. Why would anybody wanna *make* a girl?

  Xander Harris : You mean, when there's so many pre-made ones just laying around?

• Willow Rosenberg : You mean, making a zombie?

  Rupert Giles : Uh, zombies, more likely. For most traditional purposes, a voodoo priest would require more than one.

  Buffy Summers : So, we should see if the other girls from the accident are AWOL, too. Maybe we can figure out what this creep has in mind, if we know whether or not he's dealing in volume.

  Xander Harris : So we dig up some graves tonight?

  Willow Rosenberg : Oh, boy! A field trip!

• [Willow asks Cordelia whether she wants to go on the grave-digging adventure] 

  Cordelia Chase : Darn, I have cheerleader practice tonight. Boy, I wish I knew you'd be digging up dead people sooner. I would have canceled.

  Xander Harris : All right, but if you come across the army of zombies, can you page us before they eat your flesh?

  [Cordelia huffs and leaves the library] 

  Rupert Giles : Xander?

  Xander Harris : Huh?

  Rupert Giles : Zombies don't eat the flesh of the living.

  Xander Harris : Yeah, I knew that. But did you see the look on her face?

• Xander Harris : So this chair-woman? We are talking about Ms Calendar, right?

  Rupert Giles : What makes you think that?

  Xander Harris : Simple deduction. Ms Calendar is reasonably dollsome, especially for someone in you age bracket. She already knows that you're a school librarian, so you don't have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her.

  Buffy Summers : And she's the only woman we've actually ever seen speak to you. Add it up, it all spells "Duh."

• Willow Rosenberg : By the way, are we hoping to find a body, or no body?

  Xander Harris : Call me an optimist, but I'm hopin' to find a fortune in gold doubloons.

• Rupert Giles : Yes, really. What student here is going to be that well versed in physiology?

  Willow Rosenberg : Well, I can think of five or six guys in the science club. And me.

  Xander Harris : So, Will, come clean. Promise to never do it again, and we'll call it a night.

  [at their looks] 

  Xander Harris : He joked.

• Buffy Summers : [to Giles]  Then if you would't mind a little Gene and Roger, you might want to leave off the "idiot" part. Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood.

  Xander Harris : That actually kinda turns me on.

  Buffy Summers : I fear you.

• Xander Harris : Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. Vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me.