- Paige Matthews: I just don't understand what Glenn is doing with such a blonde bimbette.
- Jessica: What?
- Paige Matthews: And really, who's the surgeon who does those boobs, because they are fantastic. I should get the number for a friend of mine.
- Piper Halliwell: Dirty... Dirty... Dirty.
- [Throwing plates into the trash]
- Leo Wyatt: Piper, what is the matter with you?
- Piper Halliwell: What is the matter with me? I don't know. Are those water spots?
- [Blows up window]
- Piper Halliwell: Much better.
- Leo Wyatt: Ok. All right. You keep cleaning and I'll be back with help.
- Paige Matthews: Careful now. You wouldn't want to fall.
- Jessica: [standing on cliff] What happened? Where am I?
- Paige Matthews: You pissed off a witch, that's what happened.
- Paige Matthews: I convinced Glen to move up the ceremony before that crazy ex of his gets in the way again. Clever, huh? Hmm.
- [turns into Jessica]
- Paige Matthews: Nose job. Should have guessed.
- Spencer Ricks: That's right. "Feeble" Halliwell, as I live and breathe. Your billboards don't do you justice. You have a nice rack. You ought to show it off a little bit more.
- Phoebe Halliwell: You know, I don't mind losing readers to a legitimate writer, but some misogynistic pig that's a fraud.
- Spencer Ricks: Ow! Ow! That hurts! I'm not a fraud. I mean what I write.
- Phoebe Halliwell: Oh, do you?
- Spencer Ricks: If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen, baby. Oh, wait. That's a woman's place, isn't it? So, then, you wouldn't have anywhere to go, would you?
- Phoebe Halliwell: You know what? You're a turkey and turkeys don't write columns!
- [turns man into turkey]
- Phoebe Halliwell: But they do make delicious dinners.
- Piper Halliwell: What are you doing with that thing?
- Phoebe Halliwell: Well, first I'm gonna kill it and then I'm gonna stuff it.
- Piper Halliwell: You are not bringing that filthy fowl in the house.
- Phoebe Halliwell: Yes, I am. Thanksgiving's early this year.
- Witch Doctor: Whoever these witches are, they're magnets for evil. It's drawn to their powers.
- Head Witch Doctor: Can they withstand it?
- Witch Doctor: Doubtful. They're easily distracted by the pettiness of their lives. Sooner or later, evil will overtake them, and along with it, their powers.
- Head Witch Doctor: Then we must eliminate them.