Cheers (TV Series)

Coach in Love: Part 2 (1984)

Rhea Perlman: Carla Tortelli

Quotes 

• Sam Malone : Oh, Carla, boy I hate to criticize, but I can't actually believe you read these sleazy scandal sheets?! I mean, look at this. I'm even above this. "Bigfoot Stole My Wife". "Have Aliens Taken Over Your Pet?" I mean, this is garbage.

  Carla Tortelli : For your information Sam, I don't read those articles. I think they're just as stupid as you do. I get it because they happen to have a great crossword puzzle.

  Carla Tortelli : [sits and starts working the the puzzle]  OK, let's see. 7-across, "Five-headed cow born in Vermont".

  [pauses] 

  Carla Tortelli : Maybelle.

  [starts writing] 

  Carla Tortelli : 16-across, "State with the most UFO babies". Arkansas.

  [writes] 

  Sam Malone : [mutters incredulously]  I don't believe this.

  Carla Tortelli : 32-across, "Aphrodisiac found in every kitchen cabinet".

  [Sam secretly starts showing some interest, but still feigns disinterest] 

  Carla Tortelli : Uh, I don't know what that one is. Let me see what 14-down is. "Where Franco's brain is being kept alive". Fishtank. OK, so, the fifth letter of the aphrodisiac is an A. Now I remember: oregano.

  Sam Malone : [Sam secretly grabs a napkin and pen, and starts scribbling "oregano"]  Trash.

• Sam Malone : Hey, Diane. Surprise

  [holds up a brown paper bag] 

  Sam Malone : Found something else of yours lying around my place.

  [pulls out a garrish looking red and black teddy from the bag and holds it up to Diane] 

  Sam Malone : Remember this?

  Diane Chambers : Good Lord. Is that for wearing or for signalling aircraft?!

  Sam Malone : Well, this is your teddy isn't it?

  Diane Chambers : I don't know which of your mindless bimbi left that in your apartment. If she paid money for it, she should be seen to and chemically altered.

  Sam Malone : Hey, what, what, you don't like the color?

  Diane Chambers : What made you think that was mine?

  Sam Malone : Well, you're the only person I know that shops at those fancy French places.

  [shows Diane the teddy's label] 

  Diane Chambers : "The House of Ooh-La-La". Get it away from me. It's horrendous.

  Carla Tortelli : [walks in and sees the teddy. picks it up. gushes.]  Wow! This is lovely.

  Sam Malone : Do you want it?

  Carla Tortelli : Me? Oh, I can't take this Sam.

  Sam Malone : Oh, no, please.

  Carla Tortelli : God, Thanks.

  [gushes] 

  Carla Tortelli : Ah. From "The House of Ooh-La-La".