Cheers (TV Series)

For Real Men Only (1989)

George Wendt: Norm Peterson

Quotes 

• Cliff Clavin : [in comparison to a Jewish bris]  The original rites of passage started with the jungle tribes down there in Borneo.

  Norm Peterson : Yeah?

  Cliff Clavin : When the young jungle tribal lad was on the brink of puberty, they'd bring him forward and take out this large sharpened clam shell...

  Sam Malone : Oh, no, no, no don't tell me...

  Cliff Clavin : ...they would fill it with dip, pass it around with the hors d'oeuvres...

  Sam Malone : Oh.

  Cliff Clavin : ...then they'd take these two big jagged rocks in there...

  Norm Peterson : Cliffy, Cliff, Cliff...

  Cliff Clavin : ...and bang them together to call in the tribes out of the hills, you know. Then the witch doctor stepped up with this long sharpened bamboo staff...

  Sam Malone : Oh, here it comes.

  Cliff Clavin : ...and shoved it into the ground, hung a flag on it and they danced around it, pretty much, until they dropped, really.

  Sam Malone : Oh, wait... When do they circumcize the kid?

  Cliff Clavin : What do you mean circumsize? There are no Jews in Borneo, you moolyak.

• Woody Boyd : It's a memory quilt that all the women in my family made for me when I graduated from high school.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh, I've heard of these things. A bunch of women get together and embroider patches that string together the happy memories of a young man's life.

  Cliff Clavin : So these women were authentic folk artists then, huh?

  Woody Boyd : No, just bored housewives.

  Woody Boyd : Hey, check this out. See this soft blue square here? This is a piece of my very first baby blanket.

  Norm Peterson : Now, what do those little dots signify?

  Woody Boyd : Oh, that represents my very first childhood disease: smallpox. I almost died.

  Cliff Clavin : Uh, what's that long green thing there?

  Woody Boyd : Oh, this is the bean stalk from my very first high school play. I fell off it during the first act, cracked two ribs and punctured a lung. I almost died.

  Woody Boyd : Oh, this red patch here represents the big fire that burned down my house when I was six.

  Norm Peterson : And what, you almost died?

  Woody Boyd : No, I got out. And while I was running away, I fell in this well right here, and I almost...

  [pauses] 

  Woody Boyd : Well, you know.

• [Lilith arrives at the bar with the whole bris party in tow] 

  Dr. Lilith Sternin : Frasier? Frasier?

  Sam Malone : Where is he?

  Dr. Lilith Sternin : Where's my husband? Where's my baby?

  Norm Peterson : Where's my beer?

  Rebecca Howe : They're in the office.

  Dr. Lilith Sternin : [Heads toward the office]  Dr. Levinson, friends, please just have a seat. I'll just be a minute while I reason with him. Wife to husband. Scientist to scientist.

  Dr. Lilith Sternin : [Flings open the office door]  Frasier, have you gone completely meshuggenah?

• [the bris is over; Cliff and Norm walk out of the pool room] 

  Cliff Clavin : You know, Norm? I'm glad we went to the ceremony.

  Norm Peterson : [Munching on an hors d'oeuvre]  Me too, Cliffy. I'm kind of proud of myself, you know? I figure if I could eat through that, I could eat through anything.