- Diane Chambers: [to Sam, about dating married women] Well, it's refreshing to know you draw the line somewhere.
- Sam Malone: Hey, hey, I draw lot's of lines. As a matter of fact, there are three categories of women I never get involved with: married, underage and comatose.
- Norm Peterson: He's added one.
- Norm Peterson: [about dumping girlfriend Maxine] Now you want to tell me what was wrong with that one, Sammy? She looked perfect to me. Body was a 10.
- Cliff Clavin: So was her face.
- Diane Chambers: So was her IQ.
- Diane Chambers: [to Sam] Now, my love life is stable and yours belongs in one.
- Diane Chambers: [chortles loudly to herself] I'll have to share that one with Frasier. Puns are his greatest pleasure.
- Sam Malone: You mean now that he's sleeping with you?!
- Carla Tortelli: I am never going to be afraid to go to the dentist again. I found a way to communicate with him.
- Norm Peterson: How was that?
- Carla Tortelli: Well, as he leaned in with his drill, I grabbed him where I knew I could get his attention, and I said, "We're not going to hurt each other, are we."
- Diane Chambers: Carla, did that work?
- Carla Tortelli: We're having a late dinner.
- Diane Chambers: [about Sam's story] Coach, I think there's something rotten in the State of Denmark.
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: It's all that cheese.
- Carla Tortelli: What a night! Two hundred bucks in tips.
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: What are you going to do with all that money, Carla?
- Carla Tortelli: I'm going to spend it all on my kids.
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: Good girl.
- Carla Tortelli: How many gunney sacks and one-way tickets do you think it'll buy?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: Carla, why don't you do with that toothache what I used to do when I played in the minors?
- Carla Tortelli: What's that, Coach?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: Saw to a dentist.
- Sam Malone: [Sam and his latest girlfriend, Maxine, come out of the office arm in arm] Oh, sorry it has to be like this.
- Maxine: [sobbing uncontrollably] Why?
- Norm Peterson: Back up the garbage truck, Cliffy. Entering dump city.