- Sam Malone: I just want to say it's nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Chambers.
- Mrs. Helen Chambers: It's nice to meet you, Sam. Diane's told me about you. You're almost as handsome as she says you think you are.
- Sam Malone: [feeling insulted] There's a compliment in there someplace, I'm sure.
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: [about an elderly gentleman who just left the bar] You know something? That's the first guy I ever met that was actually on the Titanic, Sam.
- Sam Malone: He survived the Titanic?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: I forgot to ask.
- Norm Peterson: Bars can be very sad places. Some people spend their whole lives in bars. Just yesterday, some guy sat right here next to me for eleven hours.
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: What'll it be, Norm?
- Norm Peterson: Fame, fortune, fast women.
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: Oh, yeah? How about a beer?
- Norm Peterson: Even better.
- Diane: [about to marry Sam] I hate your guts, and I always will.
- Sam Malone: Well, that goes double for me.
- Norm Peterson: [to Carla] I understand they wrote their own vows.
- Diane: [learning her mother is coming to visit] This is very strange.
- Carla Tortelli: That you have a mother?
- Diane: No.
- Carla Tortelli: That you have a mother that wants to see you?
- Norm Peterson: I got good news. Everybody, I'm no longer looking for a job.
- [the bar patrons cheer]
- Norm Peterson: I'm now begging for one.