- Carla Tortelli: [to Sam, about qualifications for a new waitress] All I want is someone who doesn't make us both think of the word 'boob' at the same time.
- Sam Malone: I'm no good at this, my brain doesn't work this way, I always try to figure out how to get them *into* bed.
- Lillian: Unfortunately I already had two husbands die in bed.
- Sam Malone: Oh I'm sorry to hear that, what'd they die from?
- Lillian: [laughs] Oh you child.
- Carla Tortelli: [to Sam] If you go back in there and tell Lillian the truth, she'll get hurt and quit, and if she gets hurt and quits, I'll get hurt and quit, and if I get hurt and quit, you'll be as good as dead.
- Sam Malone: [after finding out Lillian's two husbands died having sex with her] I hate to beat this subject to death here, but these guys... were they smiling at the end?
- Lillian: From ear to ear, and that was the grumpy one.
- Sam Malone: I'll be darned.
- Sam Malone: Carolyn, I have a personal question. How did your father die?
- Carolyn: Well, the coroner said it was a heart attack... but we all know it was Mummy's passion that killed him. I guess that's why I've never cared for sex, the whole idea just gives me the chills.
- Sam Malone: What?