Jack Albertson: Ed Brown

Quotes 

• Louie Wilson : Ain't you gonna say, Good mornin'?

  Ed Brown : You want me to lie to you?

  Louie Wilson : [Louie notices Ed has poured himself a shot of bourbon into a well socket.]  Hmm. When did they start making 80 proof instant breakfast?

  Ed Brown : Look Louie, I don't tell you how to start your day. Please don't tell me how to start mine.

  [Ed tips back his drink] 

  Louie Wilson : I start mine, pickin' up trash. You start yours, drinkin' it. Oh, Such a fancy shot glass.

  [as he picks up Ed's socket and wrench] 

  Ed Brown : Give me that!

  Louie Wilson : What's buggin' you, Ed?

  Ed Brown : You really want to know? Guess.

  Louie Wilson : Chico?

  Ed Brown : You guessed.

• Ed Brown : [to Louie about Chico]  Something's happened to that boy in the last couple of years. I pay him to work, not party. This is a garage in Los Angeles. Not a congressman's office in Washington.

• Louie Wilson : [Talking to Ed about Chico]  I can hardly wait to make that party!

  Ed Brown : What party?

  Louie Wilson : His housewarming at his apartment.

  Ed Brown : OOOh, That party. Oh sure, Of course.

  Louie Wilson : Did he invite you too?

  Ed Brown : Are you kidding? Would he invite me? That boy spent two years with me. I was like a father to him. You think he would have a party and not invite his own flesh and blood?... .I'm not going.

  [Looking downcast] 

  Louie Wilson : Well, I'm not gonna let that boy down. It's bad enough he's livin' where he is.

  Ed Brown : What's so bad about it?

  Louie Wilson : Oh Ed, It's in one of those kids neighborhoods where you gotta send in the SWAT Team to pick up the garbage.

  Ed Brown : It's as bad as that?

  Louie Wilson : It's miserable, Ed. I'm tellin' ya, They got the streets crawlin' around with drunks. They don't give Food Stamps down there. They go to the Welfare Office and they give 'em wine stamps.

  Ed Brown : Hey, That sounds like Skid Row.

  Louie Wilson : Skid Row? It's more like Death Row. You know they've got some of the worst thieves around there, Ed? You know somethin'? The Garden Angel quit and the Church had to hire a Police Dog.

  Ed Brown : You mean to say he gave up all this, to live in a dump like that?

  Louie Wilson : Yeah Ed, The boy has really got to be in misery.

  Ed Brown : Aw, That's good.

  [Smiling] 

• Ed Brown : Did you come here to pick up garbage or are you with the CIA?

  Ed Brown : Both. First I pick up garbage and then I give it to the CIA.

• Ed Brown : [Ed comes downstairs to find Chico and Patty by the van]  Who is she?

  Chico Rodriguez : Who?

  Ed Brown : Her. Who is she?

  Chico Rodriguez : Oh, I'm glad you noticed, Ed. This is Nurse Patricia Villa, RN.

  Nurse Patty Villa : Delighted, Mr. Rodriguez.

  [She reaches out to shake hands] 

  Ed Brown : Rodriguez? My name is Brown. Ed Brown.

  Nurse Patty Villa : Rodriguez is such a pretty name. Why'd you change it?

  Chico Rodriguez : We're not related.

  Ed Brown : We're not even happy together.

  Ed Brown : [Looking and pointing at Chico]  You, Go to bed. Alone.

  Chico Rodriguez : Ed, You're in the presence of a lady!

  Ed Brown : Nobody is a lady at 2:30 in the morning.

  Nurse Patty Villa : [Turning to Ed and then Chico]  beg your pardon! Who do you think...? Who does he think... .?

  Chico Rodriguez : He didn't mean it.

• Chico Rodriguez : [Chico opens the door to Louie and Ed]  Did you have trouble finding the place?

  Ed Brown : No. No trouble at all. We just followed the flies.

  Louie Wilson : Come on. You said you were gonna be nice now, Ed.

  Ed Brown : Yeah, Well I lie a lot.

  Chico Rodriguez : Don't worry folks. It's just Darsky and Crutch.

  Ed Brown : [Louie is greeted by another Black guest and is getting ready to "slap five" when Ed stops him]  Don't bother shaking hands. We're not gonna be here that long.

  Louie Wilson : [Louie notices a Black woman wearing a decorative African robe]  OOH, What a beautiful Dashiki!

  Ed Brown : You can see through that robe?

  Chico Rodriguez : Ed, No, No. The robe is a Dashiki. It comes all the way from Africa.

  Ed Brown : Oh. I don't think it was worth the trip.

  Louie Wilson : Let Ed keep Lorraine happy.

  Ed Brown : I don't have enough money to keep Lorraine happy.

  Lorraine : Or the strength.

  Chico Rodriguez : Weasel, Come here. Come here. I want you to meet Ed Brown. This is Weasel.

  Weasel : Oh, Beautiful. An oldie but a goodie, huh? Ed, Ya need anything? I got some jewelry right here. You need a hearing aid? I got some nice necklaces.

  Chico Rodriguez : See, Weasel's into second hand jewelry and such.

  Ed Brown : You mean he's got a jewelry store in this neighborhood?

  Weasel : What store? I come to your house.

  Ed Brown : Oh.

  Chico Rodriguez : Yeah, Whether you're there or not.

  Weasel : [Inviting Ed to eat]  Hey, Grab a plate.

  Ed Brown : No thanks, I just washed my hands.

• Chico Rodriguez : Yo! Man, Have you forgotten what it's like to be young?

  Ed Brown : No, The trouble is, I remembered!

  Chico Rodriguez : Yeah! Well, How about letting me find out for myself?

  Ed Brown : Hey, Where are you going?

  Chico Rodriguez : To cool off!

  Ed Brown : Well, Take a cold shower. You're not going out at this hour of the morning.

  Chico Rodriguez : Hey Ed, You can't give me orders. I am twenty-four years old

  Ed Brown : Well, You're liable to run into a twenty-five year old mugger. Go get some sleep. It's way passed your bedtime.

  Chico Rodriguez : Since when do you tell me when I can go to sleep?

  Ed Brown : Since you became my responsibility!

  Chico Rodriguez : I am not your responsibility, Ed. And furthermore, I sleep when I feel like sleeping.

  Ed Brown : Oh sure, Tomorrow, On the job, heh?

  Chico Rodriguez : Oh, That's really a crack, Boy. That's really a nice cheap shot. I've given you an honest days work ever since I started slaving in this salt mine.

  Ed Brown : Slaving? You slaving? I'm the one's been slaving. Ever since you moved in here my life hasn't been my own.

  Chico Rodriguez : Right. My life's been your own. And I'm done with your meddling. I'm sick of it. Goodbye, man!

  [Chico storms out of the garage] 

  Ed Brown : Hey! Come back here! You can't leave like this! Come back here! You don't mean that! You don't... .!,

  Ed Brown : [Talking to himself quietly, after Chico has left and looking down the stairs]  He didn't mean that. Did he?

  [He looks up,asking God] 

• Ed Brown : [Chico is three minutes late for work]  That kid should know time. His people steal enough watches.

  Louie Wilson : You better put a safety belt on your mouth, man! We ain't no more thieves than you! Cracks like that make my Mexican blood boil!

  Ed Brown : Mexican blood? You're about as Mexican as Ingred Bergman.

  Louie Wilson : I'll have you know that I am an honorary Chicano. Ed, You're looking at a real "Chicanorary."